Tag Archives: disciple making

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Four Tenets of Servant Leadership

Whether you are a Christian or not the story of Christmas is the story of God becoming man.  That is to say, you don’t have to believe the story is true to understand that this is what the story is all about.

I’m not really too surprised then that in this Christmas season I have found myself involved in several different conversations on what it means to be a servant leader. I know, I know, much has been written on the topic, some good, some not so good but from the conversations I’ve been fortunate to be a part of four particular themes have emerged.

Even if you only give credence to the Christmas story as historical fiction these four principals or tenets, examples of what it means to be a servant leader, are startlingly relevant today.

Tenet 1: It takes a leader
It amazes me how many people miss this and land on some very spongy, soft definition of servant leader. The phrase itself indicates a leader, modified by the word servant. This is NOT the servant who leads. This is a position of strength, of authority, not egotistically swung about like a cudgel but judiciously exercised on behalf of those being lead.

Read the narratives, the stories of Jesus life. From a young age he displayed leadership characteristics. As he grew into a man people followed him. He lead, and served those he lead.

If you don’t know how to lead you can’t be a servant leader.

Tenet 2: It takes commitment
Servant leadership is not a string of random acts to occasionally help someone out. It is a commitment to regularly set the needs of those you lead as primary. Not in some sort of socialistic/Mr. Spock “the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few” thing, but in a way that sacrifices self promotion in favor of people development.

Jesus went from being God to being man, not transformed into a full blown adult but born as a baby. That’s not a one time act. That’s not a string of wishful helps from a genie. That’s a commitment, probably a bigger commitment than we can even imagine.

We’re talking about a commitment to develop and grow those whom you lead.

Tenet 3: It takes proactive movement
The servant leader is not one who sits around and wits for his followers to make requests. He doesn’t stand at the proverbial door like a butler waiting for orders. The servant leader anticipates the needs and desires of those being lead and seeks to meet those needs. This isn’t a posture of gift giving benevolence but rather an anticipation of what will contribute towards growth, development, and the achievement of organizational goals.

Jesus didn’t stand next to the door as the disciples came in to the last supper and ask if he could wash their feet. “Foot wash today Simon? John? anyone?” He took the proactive step.

The servant leader doesn’t wait to react to a request. The servant leader proactively anticipates needs and meets them.

Tenet 4: It takes succession planning
If you’re going to commit to helping people develop and grow you’ve got to have a target of some kind in mind. Whether you are growing YOUR successor or growing folks who can move up into other positions in your organization you’re growing people in a direction.

Jesus didn’t show up, do his thing, and bail. He grow up some guys who could further His efforts after He’d gone. He was quite intentional about preparing them for the role. In fact, in an interesting twist, the less you believe in Jesus as the Son of God, the more you have to believe that the disciples did a great job growing a religious movement beyond the guy who trained them! In either case Jesus was quite the succession planner.

The servant leader doesn’t just grow an organization. She grows the people who will continue to grow the organization after she is gone.

At the end of the day it is about heart, you can’t adhere to these tenets over time without a heart commitment. Lead, commit, move proactively and take your people to the next level. Watch what happens. You might just change the world.

Have you ever had a leader who exemplified these tenets? What did that look like?

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The Five Degrees of Owning Up

I’ve been playing Mr. Mom the past few days. Work, soccer practice, dance rehearsal, cooking, driving, driving, driving. In the midst of keeping it all together one of the kids failed to call at the appointed time to communicate his plans. This resulted in an extra 45 minutes of driving out of the way, multiple unanswered phone calls, and 15 minutes sitting outside the house where he turned out not to be. His response when he finally did call from a strange number?

“Sorry dad I can’t find my phone.”
I didn’t bite his head all the way off…but it was a near thing.
None of us likes to admit we’re wrong. Sadly, the truth is we all are from time to time. The way we handle it when we are wrong has a significant impact on our relationships both professional and personal.
When you start to listen to the way people deal with being wrong you find what I’ll call the five degrees of owning up.
1.     I’m sorry but…
This really isn’t an apology at all but an excuse in disguise. What is actually being communicated is, “I know what I did resulted in negative consequences for YOU but you see there were mitigating circumstances and so you really shouldn’t blame me.”
“Sorry dad but…I can’t find my phone.”
2.     My bad…
Also not really an apology but more of a kind of hip, smack-on-the-arm.  What is actually being communicated is, “Yeah, that wasn’t good but we’re cool and you really wouldn’t make a big deal out of something like that would you?”
3.     I’m sorry.
Shweew, finally an apology. Funny thing is that the Bible doesn’t command us to apologize. It commands us to forgive, confess and ask for forgiveness. Once you start to look closely you’ll see how infrequently people even get this deep. Typically they land on sticking their big “but” in there.
4.     I need to ask your forgiveness for… 
What cracks me up about this one is that there isn’t an asking for forgiveness! What is really being communicated is a NEED to ask for forgiveness. The key here is control. In each of these first four examples the person who is in the wrong hasn’t wanted to admit it and that desire to NOT admit it is so strong they hold tightly to control of the situation.
5.     Will you please forgive me for…
It isn’t until this point that the person who is in the wrong actually surrenders control. While this may seem trivial it is actually connected to some very deep psychology. Even more than not wanting to admit we’re wrong we REALLY don’t want to release control.
When our kids were little they learned early to apologize and could do it readily if not begrudgingly. But when the situation called for it and we instructed them to ask for forgiveness the tears would begin to flow! Even as young as 5 or 6 they instinctively understood the difference between keeping and releasing control.
When we’ve wronged someone we need to not only admit it but relinquish control by asking forgiveness. The Bible is pretty clear when it paints the picture of confession and forgiveness restoring relationship. This is true not only between man and God but between men and women as well. Just think about the application of this thought process in the context of marriage!
When was the last time you were wrong and willing to admit to it? I used to frequently catch myself at #4, where do you typically land?
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Relational Currency

It was one of those November nights in Denver when the rain doesn’t quite want to mature into snow, the snow wants to relive its adolescence as water and the result is a soupy, mushy mess that blankets the streets like boba tea stirred in rice pudding.

I was sitting waiting for a flight out of DIA and becoming more concerned as boarding time approached and passed without any of us moving.  It wasn’t long before the inevitable announcement sent us all scrambling in the direction of “next best options”, some to the gate of the next flight out, some to the customer service counter and me, among others, to the Red Carpet Club.

I waited patiently a line to converse with the over-stressed somewhat aloof counter agent who has just heard the same story from the previous five people. When she heard it for the sixth time and had finished typing in my name she informed me, in a tone bordering on disdain, that I was number 99 on the priority list to get on the next flight. Puzzled, I asked if my frequent flyer number was on the record. With an almost imperceptible shake of her head she informed me that it was not and collected the pertinent information. It was barely a split second after her typing in the last key stroke that her eyes widened severely and her mouth formed a perfect “o” as though she were trying her best to imitate a bowling ball. “I’m so sorry Mr. Fletcher, you’re actually number three on the list. How about if I just confirm a seat for you right now?” Suddenly…I had currency.

Relational Currency doesn’t refer to money per se but to the mechanisms by which we “keep score” in relationships. As a mere passenger I had no currency, or little currency with United. But as a Premier Executive member I had plenty. The concept of relational currency is an interesting one if only from the standpoint of how it helps us keep track of how we’re doing in relationships. To help better elucidate the concept I want to share three truths about relational currency.

Relational Currency is partially inherent

Imagine you had wanted to have lunch with Steve Jobs the former CEO of Apple (RIP Steve, you will be missed) to talk about creative design. You or I probably wouldn’t have had a chance. But if Michael Eisner, former Disney CEO, had put in that call Steve would have no doubt found the time. Because these gentlemen played at the same level they had “inherent relational currency”, a level of respect earned because of external conditions. Dog lovers have inherent currency with each other. They have less inherent currency with cat lovers but may have some as pet lovers.  Professional athletes have inherent currency above that of college athletes.  Again, it is currency based on external attributes of circumstances.

Relational Currency is partially earned

If inherent currency opens doors for lunch opportunities then earned currency keeps them open. Earned currency is based on internal attributes and how we treat and interact with people. Bill Gates would probably take a phone call from Ted Turner to discuss charitable giving. Larry Ellison, Oracle CEO, probably wouldn’t take the same call. Why not? All three gentlemen are uber wealthy CEO’s. Doesn’t that indicate they should share inherent currency? Of course they do. But where Bill and Ted, pun intended, have shared excellent adventures in the realm of charitable giving Larry is not known to be equally motivated in that area and thus Ted’s earned currency is running at a slight deficit. Which leads to the third characteristic of relational currency:

Relational Currency works like money

By that I mean that it can be inherited, earned, spent, wasted, stocked up, or frittered away. Inherent currency is your starting account balance. That balance is different with different people. For example: as a former Div II college football player I have a fair amount of inherent currency with other DIV II players but significantly less with professional players and almost none with college basketball players. And none of any of that counts a lick with musicians.

Earned currency is where you start your funds management process growing, earning, building or burning up your inherent currency. Obviously, as with real money, the more I have in the bank to start with the easier it is to build my balance. Remember our lunch invite above? If I can’t even get the meeting I can’t build my balance. If I can get it and don’t communicate clearly or come off as an odd duck I waste the little “money”I had on the table  and in the words of Lord Scrumptious from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, “Had your chance, muffed it.”

Which leads to some interesting questions:

What are the audiences of people groups with whom you have the greatest inherent currency?

Are there any unique groups, near the top of some hierarchy, with which you have inherent currency?

The are interesting questions to answer because it helps you determine where you might have some of the best and most unique opportunities to build Disciples!

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When does Discipleship begin?

If you’ve been following along at home you’ll know that I hold to the opinion that every Christian is responsible for making Disciples. Not converts to Christianity, not better Christians, but Disciples.

Again, the basic premise is that Disciple Making, in a spiritual sense, is the process of following God closely enough that you go out and create Disciples of you. In the same way John the baptist had Disciples of John and Gamaliel had Disciples of Gamaliel and Jesus had Disciples of Jesus. The twist is that we’re not called to point them ultimately to ourselves but to Christ.

So if that is the case when does Discipleship begin?

Most of the churches I have been associated with have some form of Discipleship class or curriculum. And, for most of those churches, the class or curriculum is designed to start AFTER someone has committed their lives to Christ. Hmmmm…I don’t think Jesus called the twelve AFTER they all we’re completely sold out to believing who He was, do you?

It seems to me there was a process of deepening relationship that happened all along the Discipleship journey.

Many scholars today recognize the commission in Matthew 28:19 to read: “As you’re going, make disciples of all nations…” seeming to indicate that this should not only be a part of your normal daily activities but something you should actively pursue. If that is the case then we shouldn’t expect to find the people we’re supposed to “make disciples of” sitting behind us in the pews at church.

This is where the Four Levels of Agreement starts to get me jazzed a bit. Remember, we’ve been looking at themas the process by which we deepen relationships. Level 1 is that mental click that happens when someone catches my attention.  Level 2 is my completed physical response to that mental moment. Level 3 is where we enter into some contractual responsibility based on expectations and promises. Level 4 is where we cross over into a committed rapport. Since we can walk through our daily routine marking out relational process with this tool we can ALSO use it to help determine which folks we ought to be actively engaging as potential Disciples.

Simplistically then I want to find people who are ready to enter into a Level 3 relationship, and who I desire to pursue that with as well, who may only be at a Level 1 in their understanding of spiritual matters! I have to finding people to Disciple in the work place, at the soccer field and at Starbucks…not in my small group! Ok, that was probably a bit hasty for those churches that invite new attenders to join a small group before they even know their names, but you get my drift.

Go back and read the Gospel account of the calling of the twelve, particularly in Mark. Everyone seems to be going about their business as relationships start to form. Where are relationships forming around YOUR daily life with folks that are not yet spiritually fully bought in?

Which of those relationships is ripe for Discipleship?

What do you think?

Is Disciple -Making really something we’re all called to do in this way? Is it really a PRE-conversion starting point?

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Disciple Making (Sprirtual Version 1.1)

So by now some of you are wondering, why all this marketing talk with only one post having anything to do with the Great Commission? Well, let’s think for a minute about how Jesus chose His Disciples.

I really don’t think any of us would believe he picked 12 guys at random. Some of us might suggest he fell back on his power as fully God and used a predestined list but that would turn into a huge debate. Let’s look at an interesting little tidbit from Luke chapter 5 (from The Message):

 1-3Once when he was standing on the shore of Lake Gennesaret, the crowd was pushing in on him to better hear the Word of God. He noticed two boats tied up. The fishermen had just left them and were out scrubbing their nets. He climbed into the boat that was Simon’s and asked him to put out a little from the shore. Sitting there, using the boat for a pulpit, he taught the crowd.

 4When he finished teaching, he said to Simon, “Push out into deep water and let your nets out for a catch.”

 5-7Simon said, “Master, we’ve been fishing hard all night and haven’t caught even a minnow. But if you say so, I’ll let out the nets.” It was no sooner said than done—a huge haul of fish, straining the nets past capacity. They waved to their partners in the other boat to come help them. They filled both boats, nearly swamping them with the catch.

 8-10Simon Peter, when he saw it, fell to his knees before Jesus. “Master, leave. I’m a sinner and can’t handle this holiness. Leave me to myself.” When they pulled in that catch of fish, awe overwhelmed Simon and everyone with him. It was the same with James and John, Zebedee’s sons, coworkers with Simon.

 10-11Jesus said to Simon, “There is nothing to fear. From now on you’ll be fishing for men and women.” They pulled their boats up on the beach, left them, nets and all, and followed him.

First lets view this from Simon’s perspective. It would be tough to convince me that Simon knew nothing about Jesus. Imagine you’ve just pulled the boats up on shore from a long nights work and some stray preacher steps into your boat and asks you to take him out a bit. The fact that Simon agrees tells me he had already experienced a Level 1 agreement.  Interestingly enough he’s minding his own business when the opportunity resents itself to move through Level 2 and 3. In fact a short term contract ensues when he agrees to let Jesus teach from the boat. What is really cool is that he runs through all three levels AGAIN while Jesus is teaching:

  • Level 1: He hears what Jesus is saying and realizes this guy is more that just a teacher
  • Level 2: He moves to action and asks Jesus to leave him alone after the miracle catch.
  • Level 3 : He agrees to follow Jesus.

Now let’s look at is from Jesus perspective. We don’t have as much specific evidence in the text, and the chronology is a little difficult to piece together from the four Gospel narratives, but we can make some educated guesses.

Prior to the episode detailed in Luke 5 Jesus appears to have met Andrew, Simon’s brother. Andrew had been a disciple of John the Baptist and when John had proclaimed that Jesus was the Son of God Andrew knew he’d found the one he was seeking. John’s Gospel,  in chapter 1 vs 40-42, seems to indicate that Simon and Jesus had met prior to the events of Luke 5:

Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, was one of the two who heard John’s witness and followed Jesus. The first thing he did after finding where Jesus lived was find his own brother, Simon, telling him, “We’ve found the Messiah” (that is, “Christ”). He immediately led him to Jesus.

   Jesus took one look up and said, “You’re John’s son, Simon? From now on your name is Cephas” (or Peter, which means “Rock”).

Have you ever met someone and immediately knew you’d be friends? I’m not talking about “love at first sight” but that moment of, “I like this person.” I’ve had that happened a number of times in life and rarely been wrong. I think that was happening when Jesus met Simon. And so it began…

  • Level 1: Jesus meets Simon and gives him a new name
  • Level 2: He takes a step and asks Simon if he can “borrow the boat”
  • Level 3: He asks Simon to follow Him

While all of that may or may not be of interest let me ask you this:

If the Great Commission is really about each of us finding people to “Disciple” who are your Disciples? 

If you’re wrestling with this one let me ask:

How would you choose who to Disciple if you agreed with that interpretation?

More on this topic later in the week.

 

 

 

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Relationship Building – The Four Levels of Agreement – Level 4

And so we come full circle in our exploration of the four levels of agreement. Level 4 agreement – Committed Rapport – is when we have made Disciples.

I have no doubt that on October 4 a scene much like the one depicted in this graphic will emerge at the Apple event where they are predicted to unveil the iPhone 5.  Apple’s Disciples will fill the room in eager anticipation of the new device.We all wish we had such devoted customers.

So let’s look back and remember how we get to this fourth level agreement:

Level 1 was that mental ‘click’ that caught your attention. Level 2 was the move from thought to action. Level 3 is where you entered into a contract based on expectations and promises and Level 4 is where you become the ‘more than satisfied’ customer we refer to as a Disciple.

So how do you move someone from Level 3 to Level 4? What is the secret sauce, the mystery of the ages, the magic bullet that creates these fanatical followers? It takes work. In order to become a Disciple-making organization you need to remember three keys:

1. You start with Customer Service

Customer service always starts with a set of expectations. Those that were created at Level 3. The expectations of those delivering the service may not be the same as the expectations of those receiving it. The closer the match the easier it is to deliver on the expectations. Do you see why the Level 3 agreement becomes so crucial? You need to set the right expectations early on.

On the delivery end you can compare yourself to the competition and create higher expectations for what you will deliver. Your customer will be pleasantly surprised the first few times they experience this higher level of service.
After that you’ve set your own bar at a minimum that is higher than the competition but is still a minimum…for you. Now the customer set of expectations is higher when they enter your store. Now, what was once “higher than anyone else” has become “the minimum expected in this place” Because that is the minimum set of expectations, even though it is better than the competition, the best you can do is “not fail”.
Even if your standard is the best in the industry.

So how do you create opportunities for a “pleasant surprise” that lives beyond the first or second visit?

2. You have to Empower your People.

I was marshaling at a local golf course several years ago sending groups off in order from the first tee. I had a twosome who somehow got lost in the rotation. The club house had delayed in calling them down to me so by the time they did get called they were almost an hour behind their scheduled tee time. There were NOT happy. The late start meant they wouldn’t get the full round of 18 in that they had paid for because they had appointments later in the day. I could easily have blamed the club house, they HAD messed up. I could have apologized profusely,  which would have made no difference to them.

Instead I offered that we’d give them their money back for the full 18, get them out to play the 9 holes for which they had time, and give them a 2-for-1 on their next visit. They went from haters to fans in an instant! Was there a procedure for such a thing? No. Did I ask permission? No. Did I cost the golf course money? Not really in the long view. But I was empowered enough to make a decision that served the customer.

You have to empower the people who interact with the public to make service decisions instantly and you need to applaud them when they do. (Spoiler Alert: This means that every “mishap” is really a golden opportunity, but we’ll talk about THAT another day.)

3. You must Anticipate Need

Have you ever found yourself struggling to open a door with two armloads of stuff?  Ever had someone see you struggling and come up to help? Better yet ever had someone see you approaching the door, bounce past you before you got there, and opened it for you? That anticipation of need creates a different level of appreciation than just meeting the obvious need of someone struggling with a door. As I mentioned in Preparing for Disciples:

“Customer service that fosters Disciples does not seek to merely serve the customer needs in the moment. It seeks to anticipate what the customer’s needs will be tomorrow and stands prepared to meet them or even preempt them.”

Anticipating need is all about knowing your customer. Not just at a transactional level but at a motivational level as well.

These three keys, customer service, empowered people, and anticipated needs will help you move from Level 3 agreements to Level 4 agreements smoothly setting you on the road to Disciple making.

Expectations are crucial in moving from Level 3 to Level 4. What would you guess your customers expectations are when they deal with you?

Do you meet the minimum expectations or do you constantly seek to raise the bar?

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Relationship Building – The Four Levels of Agreement – Level 3

We’ve been looking at four levels of agreement that relationships move through as they evolve and grow. In a marketing sense it is possible to be somewhat prescriptive  about moving relationship, ie customers, through the levels but in personal relationships the process is slightly more organic.  The levels as we’ve defined them are as follows:

We looked at the notion that level one, Cognitive Resonance, is that mental click that happens when something catches your attention and your interest. Level 2, Completed Response, occurs when you move from a mental agreement to some form of physical action. Level 3, Contractual Responsibility, is where it all starts to get REALLY interesting. (Spoiler alert: Women understand this level intuitively, men may or may not…)

Let’s start with a simple marketing example: You see a commercial for a burger restaurant that claims to have the healthiest, most unique burger anywhere. It has won taste test after taste test AND it helps you lose weight. In fact if you don’t like it they’ll give you your money back. If you eat their burgers three times a week and change nothing else about your diet you’ll lose weight!! You happen to LOVE burgers AND you’re trying to lose weight. The commercial catches your attention – Level 1 agreement. The following day on your lunch break you go check it out – Level 2 agreement.  You purchase a burger – Level 3 agreement.

“Hold on a minute”, some of you are saying, “I signed no contract here.” You’re right. You signed nothing. But you’ve entered into a two part contract. The first part is taste. The second party is weight loss. Those claims that caught your attention at Level 1 are about to be put to the test. There is a promise: great taste, less filling, and a consequence of failing the promise: money back. A set of expectations. A promise to deliver with stated consequences. A simple contract.

That’s an easy enough day to day example even if the great tasting weight loss burger does not yet exist. But what about personal relationships? Glad you asked…

A guy walks into a bar (cheesy I know but better than ‘once upon a time’) and notices an attractive woman he has noticed there a time or two. (Level 1) He’s learned what he can about her through distant observation, asked a few friends what they can tell him about her,(Level 2 – taking action. Although this is weak action until he talks to her directly.) and now has reached the decision to go up and ask her out. (We’re skipping the small talk for the sake of brevity) He asks her out. (Level 3) There is definitely a set of expectations, mostly unspoken, each of them believing something good will come from the date, a set of promises, time, date etc. and understood consequences, thus a simple contract.

Interestingly “the date” is a time bound contract. It ends when the date ends. But it does establish a new set of expectations based on an assessment of how good a time was had by each party. It may be that the contract is extended at the end of the date…setting up another one. It may be that the contract is left hanging…”I’ll call you.” But even THAT statement if a form of contract!

So now lets fast forward a few weeks or months. Here’s where we learn that women get this and guys don’t…or pretend they don’t….because after that span of time the girl wants to have, duh, duh-dun, duuunnnnn…the talk.

Women are inherently relational! They get this! They don’t want a series of short term intermittent contracts, they want definition. Questions like, “Where is this going?”, “Where are we in our relationship?”, “How are you feeling about us?” are really attempts to establish the terms of the contract! I know, I KNOW it sounds like I am cheapening it somehow but I’m not. They really do want to know the correct set of expectations and promises. Guys, many times, don’t want a set of expectations floating over their head so they’d rather have a “gentleman’s agreement” than a contract!

Believe me, entire book could be written on that paragraph alone. But lets shift gears slightly.

Think about the relationships in your life. The ones that matter. I’d be willing to bet that the most stable ones are the ones with clear contracts. Not on paper necessarily but there nonetheless. We ‘hear’ contracts breaking all the time don’t we? “I thought she was my friend but…”, “Him and me used to hang out all the time, I don’t know what happened…”, “They said they were coming…” Most of these contracts “break” because the expectations are rarely stated, they’re assumed. But remember that dating relationship? The young lady did not WANT to assume, she wanted to know.

Clearly stated expectations, understood promises and consequences, these are the basic elements of a Level 3 agreement that carries with it Contractual Responsibility.

So, in looking at your relationships…

Where have you clarified expectations and where have you assumed them?

Where have you made promises and where have you assumed them?

Where might a “clearer contract” have saved a relationship for you?

 

 

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Relationship Building – The Four Levels of Agreement – Creating Level 2

Last week we started to look at relationship building from the perspective of four levels of agreement.

Level 1, Cognitive Resonance, was that mental click that happens when something gets your attention. Level 2, Completed Response, is the move from thought to action. That thing you do in response to the mental click. So if our premise is that relationships build as you move through these four levels of agreement how do ensure that your “call to action” is something doable?

Have you ever been in a meeting where someone presents a 30 slide presentation FULL of information that is nothing more than just that, information? No application, no ask, no call to action.

Several years ago I was doing some communications consulting with a large technology company. They told us of a meeting that had been held by the Senior VP of sales in which he recounted which of their product lines they were going to focus specifically on in the coming fiscal year. Good information right? Problem was he didn’t provide any call to action and as a result:

  • The support group wanted to know when they were supposed to announce end of support for the lines that were not in focus for the coming year.
  • Development teams on the non-focus lines started updating resumes in fear they were going to be let go.
  • Marketing started working on messaging around migrating customers off of the non-focus product lines.
  • Multiple meetings were called to try to figure out the impact of dropping several of the product lines.

Finally the VP had to call yet another meeting to “announce” that they weren’t going to drop ANY product lines. They were just going to put specific focus in the coming year on the ones he had mentioned previously. Which, by the way, didn’t alleviate ALL the fears…it just extended the runway.

Contrast NO call to action with the sidewalk evangelist who approached a friend and I, when we were nine years old, leaving little league tryouts. This kid was probably in high school or college, all the same to me…I was nine, and he was really in to “sharing the gospel”. Having “grown up” in the church I was interested in what the guy had to say, not sure if my friend was, and listened politely. He came to the end of his schpiel, with a few leading questions along the way, and asked if we wanted to confess our sins and ask Jesus into our hearts. Hmmmm…call to action (for a nine year old): Admit that much of what you have done in your nine years is wrong, confess that to GOD, and give Him complete control of your life, right here, while we’re talking, on the sidewalk, after little league tryouts, without asking your parents. Yikes.

Let me share a couple characteristics to remember when sorting out your call to action, that thing you’re asking someone to do to move to a Level 2 relationship.

1. Make it Clear and Actionable – “I want you to consider supporting” is not a crystal clear action. “I want you to support” isn’t either, they’re both passive asks. Remember this is an action step. You want them to do something physically. “I want you to support this initiative by taking two actions…” Those two actions are your clear ask.

2. Make it Right Sized – The ask of the street evangelist to a nine year old is huge. How about asking the kid to attend a church service with his folks?  “Get up out of your chair and sign up for classes today.” Again, huge. There’s cost, schedule, class choice, a lot of decisions that go into that ask. “Come try a one day class for free.” Relatively easy. (By the way this is where offering freebies is a GREAT call to action: come try it.)

3. Make it Low Risk or at least Risk Appropriate. – Remember you’re early on in relationship here. Trust has to be earned. Think about the risk you’re asking someone to take. Give them an easy first step to build confidence in the relationship, then follow that with a next easy step.

The “risk free 30 day trial” is a great attempt at a clear, actionable, low risk call to action. Are you skeptical when you see that ask? Why or why not?

Can you think of a time when your call to action was either absent or too big? How Could you change that?

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Relationship Building – The Four Levels of Agreement – Level 2

Last week we started to look at relationship building from the perspective of four levels of agreement.

  • Level  1 – Cognitive Resonance
  • Level  2 – Completed Response
  • Level  3 – Contractual Responsibility
  • Level  4 – Committed Rapport

We explored Cognitive Resonance: that mental “click” that happens when something stands out and makes you take notice, and talked about how to create Cognitive Resonance for your potential customers, parishioners, or clients.

So what is this Level 2 – Completed Response all about?

Imagine that you’re walking through the kitchen in your home and the TV is playing quietly in the background. A commercial comes on, it’s for a local car dealership, the LAST thing you need to do is listen but the volume has suddenly reached that epic, please-don’t-use-your-outdoor-voice-in-the-house level like all commercials do. You grimace, shake your head, plant your face firmly in the fridge, and then you hear: “Everyone who comes in and test drives today receives a free trip to Paris, France!”

You stop what you’re doing and turn quickly to face the TV. You want to be sure you heard that right. The announcer continues ranting but manages to convince you that there is no apparent catch. All you have to do is go test drive a car and get a trip. Your interest is piqued! You’ve JUST entered into a Level 1 relationship with the dealer. Now what?

Now you have a choice to make. Will you believe it enough to go test drive a car? You rational brain kicks into overdrive analysis mode.  There has to be a catch. They couldn’t afford to do that even if they marked up every car significantly AND sold one for every two test drives. “Paris, France” must be a name they’ve given to their sales office or something. It cannot be.

At the same time your heart is fighting back. What if it IS true? What if their owner also owns an airline? How big of a hero would I be if I took my wife to Paris? I’ve got nothing else going on this afternoon, I should go do it!

At this point you’re on the verge of entering into a Level 2 agreement, the Completed Response.

While Level 1, Cognitive Resonance, is a passive, almost automatic reaction Level 2, Completed Response, is a cognitive active choice that involves some form of physical action.

You observe the girl across the room, hear her talk and are intrigued by her combination of looks and intelligence…”click”…Level 1 agreement. But unless you walk over and introduce yourself OR go do some “friend research” to learn more about here, both Completed Responses, the relationship never moves forward.

You hear the car commercial offering the trip…”click”…Level 1 agreement. You internally debate. But unless you go test drive a car OR talk to someone who has tested the offer, both Completed Responses, the relationship never moves forward.

In traditional sales this is typically referred to as the “call to action”. This is the “what I want them to do” after they hear the pitch. It is important to remember that the Completed Response involves physical action. It moves the relationship from thought to action. Too often we present ideas, try to sell products, attempt to build relationships with little or no thought to this call to action. We present information to folks and HOPE they’ll make the right choice or give them an ultimatum: buy today. There is art in creating the right call to action. There is elegance is providing an easy path to a Level 2 agreement.  We’ll look at the “how to” next time.

Think about the last time you tried to recruit someone, to sell something, or even to convince someone of a new idea.

Did you present the information in a way that would inspire a Level 1 “click”?

And did you follow that up with an easily achievable and understandable call to action that made for a seamless transition from thought to Completed Response?

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Relationship Building – The Four Levels of Agreement

Imagine for a moment that you’re trying to figure out how to build and grow a customer base. Or, if that’s not your thing, imagine you’re trying to figure out who you ought to mentor. Or, if you need something more basic, imagine you’re trying to sort out who to date. In any of these instances what you’re really trying to do is build relationships. Some of us are good at it, some of us stink at it, but all of us need to do it really to be successful in life.

Look again at those three scenarios. Beyond just building relationships what’s REALLY going on there is a desire to build ever deepening relationship and THAT takes work. It’s work that move people closer to each other, work that builds bonds.  In fact I want to suggest that people enter into deeper relationship based on increased levels of agreement.

Think about that statement for a second. You probably can’t name a single person with whom you have any depth of relationship AND with whom you completely disagree. It just doesn’t happen. (Except perhaps with some random members of your spouse’s extended family but that is a unique category.) There is always a “something” that draws us towards some people and away from others, towards one product and away from others, towards one service provider over another and that “something” is the level of agreement.

Now, this doesn’t mean that you and your close friends agree on everything, nor does it mean you like all the same things, nor does it hint at some sort of bizarre, cliquish, neo-cloned relational similitude. What it means is that the relationship itself is moving through four levels of agreement.

We’ll look at each of these in the days ahead but in overview the four levels are as follows:

  • Level  1 – Cognitive Resonance
  • Level  2 – Completed Response
  • Level  3 – Contractual Responsibility
  • Level  4 – Committed Rapport

So what in the world is Cognitive Resonance?

It’s the brain buzz, the ‘click’, the “hey, that looks interesting”. It’s that thing that happens when the server walks by with someone else’s food and you start madly scrambling for the menu to see if you can figure out what that was because “THAT looked goooood.”

It’s that moment in a conversation with someone you’ve just met where you start to pay closer attention because you were suddenly struck with the thought, “Hey, I think there could be more to this person.”

It’s that third recommendation of a restaurant that makes you think, “Yeah, we should check that place out.”

Years upon years ago I was working with a bunch of crazy Junior-high kids in San Diego and, as happened every summer, we took a bunch of them to camp. The first night of camp the guy who was serving as the “men’s dean” for the week introduced the women’s dean as the “cutest girl in camp”. Being a guy in my mid-twenties I obviously took a more than a passing interest in THAT pronouncement and thus invested a more than casual glance. While I had to objectively agree with his assessment I was, at the time, engaged to be married only a few months hence, and thus I took no other action. No, really, I promise, I didn’t do anything.  Until the next morning.

When the “cutest girl in camp” got up on stage to do her morning announcements and devotional with the kids I experienced a SIGNIFICANT moment of cognitive resonance.  (No, I did not think in those terms.)  What I did think was:

“Wow, she’s pretty sharp… and funny… and pretty good at what she does, and…man, I’m thinking that what I’m seeing here may answer a couple questions I’ve been asking… and…”

See where that’s going? Yeah, that’s where it went. We got married a year later and have been married for 21 years.  To be fair, and transparent, our relationship moved through all four levels of agreement over the course of that year but it all started with the moment of cognitive resonance.
Who are the people in your life today, probably in the category of acquaintances at the moment, with who you’ve had that twinkling of an ah-ha moment, that moment of cognitive resonance?

If you’re looking to build a customer base what are you doing to provide those moments of cognitive resonance for your prospects?

Have you had a personal experience where you can clearly identify the moment that cognitive resonance first took place?