If you recall last week in Men and Women: part 1 I made the claim that men were designed by God to be illustrations of His justice and were therefore designed to be dangerous by nature.
By contrast I asserted that women were designed as illustrations of God’s grace and are therefore designed to be beautiful by nature.
Because there is also an enemy playing a role in the story, and enemy who can only twist truth and not create it, we explored the idea that men were often duped into being dangerous in the “wrong way” and wound up being dangerous to themselves, their loved ones, or not at all.
But this same enemy also dupes women into focusing on being beautiful in the “wrong way”. The beauty that God designs into ALL women is NOT physical appearance. it is something much more. Granted, the world runs on the notion that beauty, and beyond that sex, sells but that should come as no surprise. Scripture refers to the enemy as the prince of this world.
Imagine for a moment that this notion is correct, that men are supposed to be dangerous, in a spiritual sense, by design and women beautiful, spiritually, by design. Now think of the way truly, amazingly, stunningly physically beautiful women are often described. We refer to them as “dangerously beautiful”. I’m saying this is no coincidence.
The notion of a dangerous beauty is a standard theme found in literature across cultures! It could easily be argued that this overt focus on physical beauty alone results in something much more akin the the spiritually masculine than it does to the intended feminine!
But it gets even worse.
The women’s lib movement of the 70’s resulted in women rejecting stereotypical beauty for a much more masculine approach to life in an attempt to even the playing field in the corporate world. So in either case we wind up with women becoming masculine…NOT good.
I freely confess that I am treading in deep water here. I do not lay claim to any secret knowledge when it comes to understanding women. But as I read the scriptures with this lens in mind a clear image does start to emerge.
If God does indeed intend for women to be beautiful by design as illustrations of His grace what does that look like? Fortunately scripture gives us a glimpse of just such a woman in Proverbs 31. Let me suggest three characteristics of the beautiful woman taken from that description:
She has a confidence based on conviction
The passage describes her as being of noble or virtuous character. Many commentators have this translated as something akin to: a strong, capable woman with strong convictions. There isn’t anything weak or fainting here. It is a picture of strength that comes from something beyond a shallow self confidence based on looks. This is a deep well of conviction.
She has a healing touch
Remember Princess Diana? She was one of the most beloved royals of all time specifically because of how she cared for the poor and less fortunate. Truly beautiful women can heal with a word. Their touch brings life. True some are more gifted at it than others, mostly through practice, but I believe all women have this gift by design. As illustrations of the grace of God women, all women, carry within their very nature the ability to bring healing. It is almost magic.
Kids get this straight away. When they’re scared they go to dad, he’s dangerous! When they get hurt they go to mom, she’s the healer.
She uses her gift on behalf of others
In C.S. Lewis’ The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe Queen Lucy receives several gifts from father Christmas including the gift of a healing cordial that can heal any wound with but a single drop. Her sister, Queen Susan receives the gift of a magical horn that will summon aid when need is most dire. Lewis was tapping into these same characteristics, this idea that women bring healing and help to others.
On of the advantages of having grown up in the church is that I spent a lot of time around people from multiple generations. I have known, as I am sure many reading this post have known, older women whose lives were spent in ever deepening relationship with God, whose words brought healing to others regularly. These women draw us to them like the smell of cinnamon bread coming out of the oven. The very lives are a healing fragrance. Their physical appearance is superfluous!
By contrast we’ve all come across women who strive to maintain their fading physical beauty. To be fair some succeed and while they may be nice to look at, unless they’ve come to grips with this true sense of spiritual beauty, they’re not as much of a joy to be around.
As I said I’m either treading IN deep water or ON thin ice, depending on your choice of metaphor so…
Ladies, your thoughts, what does it mean to be truly beautiful?
I love this post. I have certainly witnessed this in my own family. I am grateful for a wife who is committed to true beauty and grace.
Thanks Michael. This really only scratches the surface off everything that could be unpacked here: The notion that justice comes before grace as man before woman in the garden, that grace completes justice and in some ways surpasses it. God’s statement to woman in Genesis 3 (NLT): “Your desire will be to control your husband, but he will rule over you” is almost predictive! He could almost have added, “but if you’ll just relax and be who I’ve designed you to be instead of always striving so hard you’ll find you wind up in charge every time!”
You’re quite brave to wade into the deep water. 🙂 But my guess is many women appreciate a man who dares to give her permission to release the unrelenting pressure toward outward beauty. I find myself exhaling on the rare occasions when a male in my life says thus. The truth is that from the time we’re little girls, the emphasis is almost always, ALWAYS on external appearances of beauty. It comes from every direction, and the message IS reinforced consistently through adolescence, high school, college and beyond. Then, about the time we start to mature beyond it, our physical appearance shows the effects of age and we struggle with it all over again. It’s almost shocking to us when we eventually discover that a confident, secure woman (who isn’t trying so hard to convince the world of her beauty and value) is far more attractive than the one who isn’t.
Thanks Michele, as you know I tend to live in deep water…or hot water as the case may be. No doubt external appearance makes the world go round. Maybe that is one of the clues to what it means to be “in the world but not of it.”
The issues of a woman’s beauty and confidence are both complex and individual. If you are blessed with beauty it’s easier to dismiss the emphasis on outward appearance because you have always experienced it. True, sometimes beautiful girls and women struggle with self-doubt. The mature state we all long for is to be confident in who God has made us and to be a blessing to others. Sometimes outer appearance does open doors and is a blessing from God for His purposes. But whether we have that, or it fades with age, inner beauty comes from being confident in God’s love and living out His purpose for our lives. Poppy Smith, Speaker/Author
Thanks Poppy. No doubt that external beauty opens doors and always will. No doubt either that we’ve heard many of the arguments in favor of the more mature state. I think what I am hoping to drive to here is more of a “why” than a “what”…why is it that way? It goes deeper than individual’s, I think, all the way down to the core design of how we were made.
I believe that the essence of a woman’s true beauty comes from within her. The beauty of a woman’s heart, her intentions, the way she loves and cares for her family, friends, her home, and nurtures those around her. In my lifetime, I have met women who are extremely beautiful on the outside; yet they’ve had some of the darkest hearts I have ever experienced. I also know a host of women that are not very easy on the eyes; yet they have some of the most tender, giving, loving, and nurturing hearts you can imagine.
I believe a woman’s beauty is also tied to what she believes and knows about her true self. I come from a very loving family. I had all of the elements designed by God for a family. Yet, on a daily basis, when I left that nurturing home to attend school, my classmates would drill into me how ugly (physically) I was. I was teased daily of my physical appearance. I believed the hype and grew into adulthood believing I was one of the ugliest women alive.
It was not until I allowed God to change my heart regarding “Me” (about 10 years ago), that I truly realized the jewel that He created me to be. This realization has nothing to do with physical beauty, but the understanding that I am a hand-crafted creation by God Himself. I understood that nothing that God does is in error, and that He makes ALL things beautiful!