Tonight we watched Nate play his last High School Soccer match. I am 50. When I watched him play his first match I was in my 30’s.  That’s crazy.

Nate is our fist born. Those who are willing to be honest will tell you that their first born is, unfortunately, a guinea-pig. It’s not fair but it’s true. I was a first born so I’ve seen it from both sides now and it still isn’t fair. There are some things I’d do different, some things I’d do more of and some less.

In the hopes of helping out some of you proud guinea-pig owners allow me to pass along some observational advice regarding youth sports as I arrive at this crossroads in my career as a dad/coach/fan.

1. Encourage more than you Instruct

Even if you were an all-American, full ride scholarship, first round draft pick, hall of fame coach you need to encourage more than you instruct. That doesn’t mean you limit your instruction, just top it out when it comes to encouragement.

I caught on to this one about halfway through and wish I would have picked it up sooner. I’ve officiated youth sports and heard some of the most horrible jeers, taunts, and sarcasm that I have EVER heard in the form of ‘instruction’ coming from the parents, coaches and players on the sidelines.  It changed me. Your kid needs encouragement, positive, life-giving encouragement more than they need more instructions.

2.  Always employ the 24 Hour Rule

You’ll be PISSED. It will happen. It will be over playing time, or position, or game situation, or a hundred other things. The 24 hour rule says you don’t get to even comment about it to the coach for 24 hours. It gives everyone a chance to settle down. It makes life MUCH easier on your kid than if they have to watch you explode in the parking lot. Fortunately I think I’ve managed this one fairly well but you’d have to ask my kids.

On a related note if your emotions are running high towards your kid…employ the 24 hour rule. Unless of course your cup runneth over with encouragement.

3.  Help them Learn the Lessons

They’ll play for some great coaches an they’ll play for some complete idiots. Perfect. One day they may work for a great boss or an idiot.Help them navigate rather than retreat.

They’ll face adversity of the worst kind…for someone their age. They’ll be robbed by officials and circumstances. They will lose some they absolutely should have won. Let them, encourage them through it, it is preparation for life even when it completely breaks your heart.

They will win in amazing last minute heroics and in blow outs. Teach them to be gracious in either circumstance no matter how much you want to rub it in the face of the annoying parent from the other team who has been bad mouthing your kid for 90 minutes.

Over the years I’ve watched Nate attack adversity with a vengeance. I’ve watched him lose his cool when it cost his team and I’ve watched him keep his cool when everyone else seemed to be losing theirs…including his dad. I’ve seen him put in game winners and I’ve seen him extend grace to an opponent that was utterly defeated with a third of the game left to play. I’ve driven to literally hundreds if not thousands of practices, games, scrimmages and tournaments. A mere few hours after his last high school game and I already miss it.

Encourage your kid, keep your cool, and help them learn. Your guinea-pig will thank-you for it later.

Which of these three is hardest for you? Why do you think that is true?