Monthly Archives: October 2011

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Question #1: Who are you really?

Along side the great philosophical questions such as “why are we here?” and ” does the stool really exist?” the question of personal identity ranks right up there as one of those we stumble across, answer briefly, live some more, answer again, then ask if we can change our answer, shrug, take a third pass, etc. etc.

For some reason I’ve been thinking about perceptions lately. Not the, “am I comfortable in my own skin”, kind of questions but questions more along the lines of, “how accurate is my understanding of how others perceive me, and, in parallel, how I perceive them”.

Case in point. About a week ago I drove my 16 yr old son Ian over to meet some friends to play tennis. (He get’s his license in another month or so then I won’t have to chauffeur to tennis any longer.) As I was driving away I had a picture in my mind of a kid playing tennis, probably a much younger kid than 16 followed by an almost visible flashback.

Suddenly I was 16 leaving the courts with my friend Dave H. after tennis. We played long hours of tennis that summer. Dave was tossing me the keys to his Triumph TR7 and saying “Hey, you wanna learn to drive stick?” It prompted other conversation we had that summer like deciding we’d start being gentlemen and opening doors for girls, a habit that has stuck ever since.

I remembered the oft times serious, life-shaping decisions we made that summer and as I came back to the present I realized my picture of my 16 yr. old son was probably inaccurate in several ways. This isn’t a young kid going to smack the ball over the fence as often as over the net. This is a young man chiseling out the shape of his future in conversations with his good buddies.

Wow.

That made me turn the mirror around. How did I perceive myself in relation to my kids, my wife, my coworkers? How do THEY perceive me? Is there ANY similarity between who they think I am and who I think I am? Try this one on for size:

Pick any adult you interacted with regularly as a kid, could be a parent, a coach, a youth pastor, a teacher…now try to recall your perception of them. If you could wrap up the package of experiences how would you label them? Next put yourself in that same role, as parent, coach, teacher, etc. Do you think the kids you’re around perceive you the same way you perceive that person from your past?

Now think about the fact that as adults we have a LOT more experiential ammo to draw from than kids do. Those mixed perceptions have even more options and potential for confused images, all leading back to the question, Does the way I see myself and the way others see me match up?

As a starting point to sorting all that out ask yourself these three exploratory questions:

What have I  heard others say about me?

I’ve been told on several occasions that I am “manipulative and physically intimidating”. I laugh when I hear that. ( although I think I have secretly come to love it!) I really don’t see myself that way at all. But if others DO why is that?

What would I say about myself if I were describing me as a third party?

The descriptions people generally use are only a couple words in length: “He’s a good dude, always there when you need him”, or “She’s awesome, a really good listener”, or “He’s manipulative and physically intimidating.” How would you phrase your description as if you were talking about another person?

Would others guess correctly?

I you took that phrase you came up with to describe you and went to a friend with that phrase and asked them to guess who you were talking about would they say, “Well, that sounds like you…”? I might be comical to see how many guess they took BEFORE they guessed you.

Experience shapes perception, our thought processes cement it. We all would like move and grow in some ways from where we are to where we’d like to be. We can’t begin the change process well unless we know the point from which we start.

When you look in the mirror do you see you or someone else? How close does your self perception match others perception of you? Would you be willing to try that little experiment above?

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What will you choose?

Something mildly different today.

Been thinking a bit about the choices we make and how they shape our thinking. The patterns we fall into, and out of, and the places we wind up as a result. We’ve made some choices lately that haven’t changed our circumstances but they have changed our outlook.

If you’re someplace you’d rather not be perhaps all you need do is change your thinking. It’s your choice. (Unless of course you’re in jail, then the time for choosing past you by some time ago.)

 

 

 

 

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A Word to Parents about Youth Sports

Tonight we watched Nate play his last High School Soccer match. I am 50. When I watched him play his first match I was in my 30’s.  That’s crazy.

Nate is our fist born. Those who are willing to be honest will tell you that their first born is, unfortunately, a guinea-pig. It’s not fair but it’s true. I was a first born so I’ve seen it from both sides now and it still isn’t fair. There are some things I’d do different, some things I’d do more of and some less.

In the hopes of helping out some of you proud guinea-pig owners allow me to pass along some observational advice regarding youth sports as I arrive at this crossroads in my career as a dad/coach/fan.

1. Encourage more than you Instruct

Even if you were an all-American, full ride scholarship, first round draft pick, hall of fame coach you need to encourage more than you instruct. That doesn’t mean you limit your instruction, just top it out when it comes to encouragement.

I caught on to this one about halfway through and wish I would have picked it up sooner. I’ve officiated youth sports and heard some of the most horrible jeers, taunts, and sarcasm that I have EVER heard in the form of ‘instruction’ coming from the parents, coaches and players on the sidelines.  It changed me. Your kid needs encouragement, positive, life-giving encouragement more than they need more instructions.

2.  Always employ the 24 Hour Rule

You’ll be PISSED. It will happen. It will be over playing time, or position, or game situation, or a hundred other things. The 24 hour rule says you don’t get to even comment about it to the coach for 24 hours. It gives everyone a chance to settle down. It makes life MUCH easier on your kid than if they have to watch you explode in the parking lot. Fortunately I think I’ve managed this one fairly well but you’d have to ask my kids.

On a related note if your emotions are running high towards your kid…employ the 24 hour rule. Unless of course your cup runneth over with encouragement.

3.  Help them Learn the Lessons

They’ll play for some great coaches an they’ll play for some complete idiots. Perfect. One day they may work for a great boss or an idiot.Help them navigate rather than retreat.

They’ll face adversity of the worst kind…for someone their age. They’ll be robbed by officials and circumstances. They will lose some they absolutely should have won. Let them, encourage them through it, it is preparation for life even when it completely breaks your heart.

They will win in amazing last minute heroics and in blow outs. Teach them to be gracious in either circumstance no matter how much you want to rub it in the face of the annoying parent from the other team who has been bad mouthing your kid for 90 minutes.

Over the years I’ve watched Nate attack adversity with a vengeance. I’ve watched him lose his cool when it cost his team and I’ve watched him keep his cool when everyone else seemed to be losing theirs…including his dad. I’ve seen him put in game winners and I’ve seen him extend grace to an opponent that was utterly defeated with a third of the game left to play. I’ve driven to literally hundreds if not thousands of practices, games, scrimmages and tournaments. A mere few hours after his last high school game and I already miss it.

Encourage your kid, keep your cool, and help them learn. Your guinea-pig will thank-you for it later.

Which of these three is hardest for you? Why do you think that is true?

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The Power of Analogy, Story, and Illustration

It was two years ago I suppose, though it seems much longer ago. We were preparing to meet with several executives to discuss matters most serious and teasingly technical.

On the one side of the discussion were those of us who wanted to allow a “guest log in” feature to our web site that would allow even known users to begin conducting business without having to formally identify themselves.

On the other side of the discussion was the party that wanted known customers to continue to have to provide their customer number. Something every customer had but few knew and even fewer ever used for anything other than logging in to the web site.

On our side we had numbers, good numbers, interesting numbers. Numbers that showed abandoned transactions and numbers that showed potentially lost revenues and numbers that showed opportunity for growth.

On their side they had numbers, numbers I wanted to call bad but couldn’t, numbers that showed the amount of additional work in hours and dollars that spawned every time a known customer transacted  as though they were new ie: without using their customer number.

Ever have to go into one of those showdowns…er… meetings? In the worst instances voices raise, emotions boil and conclusions scamper out the window like so many scared rabbits. In the best instances they’re tedious affairs that result in begrudgingly compromised half-measures that wind up satisfying no one, something akin to rice pudding.

To make matters worse this conversation had been had before, several times. Each time each party brought new, more compelling numbers to bare and yet no one was compelled. So I suggested something new, devious perhaps, but new.

As each person arrived at the appointed meeting room a polite and warm representative greeted them outside the door.  “We’re glad you’re here!”, they exclaimed, “As a new measure of security for this meeting we’re asking that you provide the VIN from your automobile. Now we understand you may not have anticipated this new development but as your car is just outside in the parking lot, and the weather today is quite fine, it should be no trouble for you to track down the required information. If you’ve never used your VIN before it can be found on a small plaque on your dash or, in some cases, on the drivers side door.”

The  reactions were priceless and I could see them all because the meeting room had a small window in the door. I was seated inside having actually captured my VIN with my phone that morning.

Rather than going through the minor hassle of walking a couple hundred yards to provide the required credentials the surprised attendees tried to push past as though it were a joke. When they found the way blocked and the ‘doorman’ quite serious they actually headed for the elevator in a huff, not to get the number, but to leave the meeting! Ok, ‘huff’ is too weak a word, they were really hacked-off!

At this point our staunch doorman apologized for the minor ruse and allowed them to enter the meeting, as a guest.

The first words uttered in the meeting? “Ok, we get it. How do we fix it?”

Allow me to suggest three reasons why this approach worked, reasons that are universal benefits of using analogy, story and illustration.

1. It moved them from mind to heart.

We’d talked through all the issues before. Both sides knew the others arguments and rationale and in many cases agreed with the numbers. This experienced moved the conversation from a head talk to a heart talk. The participants understood the situation in a new way, one that moved from the intellectual to the emotional.

2. It moved them from observation to participation.

Interestingly enough the way we first start learning in life is through story and the BEST storytellers make us feel like we’re a part of the story! When my children were youngsters I read them the Harry Potter books. When the first film came out the boys’ comment was: “But dad, what if they get the voices wrong?!?” They’d been a part of the story in a way that made it feel like they had it the ‘right way’.

In the case of our meeting we actually put folks into the experience of the customers. It moved the presentation from being a story heard to a story lived. They experienced the voices of the customer in a way they hadn’t before as the voices became their own.

3. It moved them from understanders to believers

Understanding and belief, on the surface, seem like familiar bedfellows. The difference is in the mind versus the heart. I always understood that a cruise vacation could be restful but never believed it until I’d been on one…and another one…and another one…and another one!

Too many ‘corporate’ conversations rely solely on the head, the intellect, the numbers. We talk about mind share and convincing and countering objections. Just winning the intellectual argument often results in failure, “I agree with your numbers but I’m just not feeling it.” But find a way to win the heart and the head follows easily.

What near term opportunity do you have to use a story approach to communicating a corporate message? What’s holding you back from trying?

 

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A Simple Truth that Creates Better Communication

I spent the better part of this last week at the SCORRE Conference instructing folks on how to become better, more dynamic communicators.

Even though I have been a part of teaching this same material for close to twenty years I still discover something new about communicating almost every time we get together for the conference.

Imagine with me two different scenes:

Scene 1

The year is 1970. Disco hasn’t quite made it’s appearance on the scene yet but like a fowl smell on the breeze it is coming. Plaid shirts and corduroy pants with widely flared legs are quite the style. You make your way through the doors of the New Bank of My Town to transfer your account, the dulcet tones of the Girl from Ipanema playing softly in the background. Within moments, your transaction complete, you stroll back out the door, smiling, with a brand new toaster under your arm!

Scene 2

It’s your birthday! You wake up hoping that folks will remember but not quite ready to wear a sign on your chest announcing the importance of the day. You arrive at work and find an envelope on your desk. Inside is a card directing you to the break room. You smile to yourself thinking someone has gathered the crew together for coffee and donuts but when you get to the break room you find…another card. The process repeats itself several times. Each clue leading you somewhere else in the building until finally one leads you back out to your car! Surprised an curious you make your way back out to the car and notice a wrapped present on the front seat. You climb in and eagerly tear open the wrapping to find a toaster and note. “Please come join me for breakfast. Happy Birthday!”

In either case you get a toaster. Cool, you needed a toaster. So what’s the difference? The process of receiving.

Too often as communicators we get in a hurry to deliver the goods. Like the bank that gives away the free toaster we give our audience exactly what they expect. In our desire to provide them some benefit in exchange for listening, like the bank wants to  in exchange for our business, we lay the good right our there to be picked up and taken home.

Allow me to suggest three reasons our communication should be more like birthday treat than a bank toaster.

1. The joy of discovery

People, in general, like surprises especially pleasant ones. Whether we’re giving a speech, a sermon, or a product presentation people like those moments of surprise when they get more than they anticipated getting at the start.

2. The appreciation of elegance

Folks recognize when you’ve taken the time and made the effort. Even the simple difference between tossing a birthday present into someones lap unwrapped and handing them a well wrapped package catches peoples attention. It communicates that you care enough about the recipient to make the presentation part of the gift rather than just doing your duty. Even if you’re overly excited to give them their present they’ll appreciate the time and attention you took in the wrapping of it.

3. The effect of effort

If I walk into the bank expecting a toaster and get what I expect I critically examine to toaster to see if it matches my expectations. If, on the other hand, I get a surprise gift I am moved by the surprise and look at the toaster from an attitude of continued discovery to see what it has to offer. You audience will to your communication in the same way. Either with a critical eye to see if you’re delivering on the promise you dumped out in the your agenda, introduction, hand-out etc. OR with an eye towards discovering what you’re offering in a carefully crafted surprise package.

Whether you’re giving a speech, preaching a sermon, or writing a blog post don’t just dump it in their lap. Take the time to wrap the gift so that your audience can experience the joy of discovery and the appreciation of elegance. You will see the effect of your efforts. They’ll get the toaster either way but they’ll be moved by the surprise in a way that makes them appreciate you every time they make toast.

How can you make your communications more like a wrapped present that surprises and delights?

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The Five Degrees of Owning Up

I’ve been playing Mr. Mom the past few days. Work, soccer practice, dance rehearsal, cooking, driving, driving, driving. In the midst of keeping it all together one of the kids failed to call at the appointed time to communicate his plans. This resulted in an extra 45 minutes of driving out of the way, multiple unanswered phone calls, and 15 minutes sitting outside the house where he turned out not to be. His response when he finally did call from a strange number?

“Sorry dad I can’t find my phone.”
I didn’t bite his head all the way off…but it was a near thing.
None of us likes to admit we’re wrong. Sadly, the truth is we all are from time to time. The way we handle it when we are wrong has a significant impact on our relationships both professional and personal.
When you start to listen to the way people deal with being wrong you find what I’ll call the five degrees of owning up.
1.     I’m sorry but…
This really isn’t an apology at all but an excuse in disguise. What is actually being communicated is, “I know what I did resulted in negative consequences for YOU but you see there were mitigating circumstances and so you really shouldn’t blame me.”
“Sorry dad but…I can’t find my phone.”
2.     My bad…
Also not really an apology but more of a kind of hip, smack-on-the-arm.  What is actually being communicated is, “Yeah, that wasn’t good but we’re cool and you really wouldn’t make a big deal out of something like that would you?”
3.     I’m sorry.
Shweew, finally an apology. Funny thing is that the Bible doesn’t command us to apologize. It commands us to forgive, confess and ask for forgiveness. Once you start to look closely you’ll see how infrequently people even get this deep. Typically they land on sticking their big “but” in there.
4.     I need to ask your forgiveness for… 
What cracks me up about this one is that there isn’t an asking for forgiveness! What is really being communicated is a NEED to ask for forgiveness. The key here is control. In each of these first four examples the person who is in the wrong hasn’t wanted to admit it and that desire to NOT admit it is so strong they hold tightly to control of the situation.
5.     Will you please forgive me for…
It isn’t until this point that the person who is in the wrong actually surrenders control. While this may seem trivial it is actually connected to some very deep psychology. Even more than not wanting to admit we’re wrong we REALLY don’t want to release control.
When our kids were little they learned early to apologize and could do it readily if not begrudgingly. But when the situation called for it and we instructed them to ask for forgiveness the tears would begin to flow! Even as young as 5 or 6 they instinctively understood the difference between keeping and releasing control.
When we’ve wronged someone we need to not only admit it but relinquish control by asking forgiveness. The Bible is pretty clear when it paints the picture of confession and forgiveness restoring relationship. This is true not only between man and God but between men and women as well. Just think about the application of this thought process in the context of marriage!
When was the last time you were wrong and willing to admit to it? I used to frequently catch myself at #4, where do you typically land?
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Protest Communications 101 – Three Keys to Clarity

I really hadn’t intended on doing anything more on the Occupants of America but after all the comments over the last few days I thought I’d continue the dialogue.

Let’s be clear one on thing at least: I’m not against what these people are doing. I just don’t have a clear idea of what they want to accomplish.

With that being said allow me, as a communications coach, to suggest three keys to clear protest communications. These work outside of a formal protest just as well but contextually I think it would help the movement.

Key #1: Know your Audience

“The press” is NOT your audience. The press is a means to communicate to your audience. Realize they also editorialize your message. Interestingly enough in any form of protest you actually have more than one primary audience. You have the people against whom you are bringing a grievance and you have the people who you hope to recruit to the cause.

These audiences are different in that what you want communicate to them is essentially different. You need to anticipate their response, their propensity for agreement or attack, even their level of understanding of the issues. In regards to your targeted villain you will be communicating demands. In regards to your targeted supporters you’ll be communicating objectives.

Key #2: Distinguish between Demands and Objectives

This is crucial. A lot of the current chatter around Occupy America has to do with taxing the richest 1%. But is this a demand or an objective?An objective is what you want to accomplish. A demand is a part of how you hope to accomplish it. Taxing the rich folks is a means to an end, not an end in itself…at least I hope not.

Once the emotions start to fly demands and objective get wrapped up in rhetoric and sound bytes and, as several of you suggested in your comments yesterday, rational dialogue goes out the window.When rational dialogue goes out the window you start to lose both your primary audiences and attract only the attention of those who already agree with your emotional position. (Typically the villain doesn’t agree as a rule.)

The objective can be contained in a single sentence. Once you get it there, and it takes work to do it, you have a clear, precise, easily understood statement of what you hope to accomplish and THAT opens up dialogue with a much wider audience.

Key #3: Clarify your Objective

Let me say it again. Your objective should be a single sentence. Your demands are how you hope to accomplish that objective.  The importance of a clear objective shouldn’t be underestimated. The objective is the bit which you want me to agree with as a potential recruit. If you can get the villain to agree to the objective too then you’re down to discussing tactics, in this case demands, for achieving that objective.

Here’s a clue though, “We want a better America” is a nebulous objective. EVERYONE wants a better America, even people who hate America want a better America.The last two elections were supposedly votes for “change” but because there was no clear objective, nothing targeted to change TO, we find ourselves wanting more change.

Ok, enough of THAT. I always avoid political conversation…

But THIS is where I get lost in regards to Occupy America. I am starting to see lists of demands but I’m not seeing a clear single objective. In fact, it seems to be working backwards. It appears there are multiple objectives tied to single demands: Tax the Rich! …so we can get better schools…to punish corporations…to limit their political influence…  A lot of assumptions there don’t you think? Tax the rich and the government gets the money! Not sure that’s good!

Many objectives to one demand is how a five year old tries to get their way: Get me this toy!…and I’ll never ask for anything else…I’ll clean my room…I’ll do whatever you ask. Just acquiesce to my demand and the world shall be yours!!

Understand your audience. Distinguish between objectives and demands and for cryin’ out loud make your objective clear! Then I’ll bring the beer, we’ll sit down and discuss the issues rationally, and we’ll arrive at some conclusions.

A couple people pointed me in the direction of demands and supposed objectives for the movement yesterday and I thank-you for those. Anyone else have a sense of the objective or a place to find it? I’d love to hear your views.

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Four Characteristics of a Good Protest

We interrupt our regularly scheduled program to try to get a handle on the madness occurring in and around Wall Street. I confess I am almost totally at a loss on this one. From what little I can tell by scanning various news sites and the protestors own site:

  • There are somewhere between 500 (conservative estimate) and 1200 (generous estimate) people involved. Fewer than attended my son’s high school homecoming game a couple weeks ago.
  • The number tends to be larger during the day. Apparently many of the protestors go home at night to get a good night’s sleep and catch up on some corporate sponsored sit-com.
  • They have no specific demands other than a seeming distaste for banks, large corporations, and anyone they deem to be in possession of too much money. “Too much” being defined loosely as “more than I have.”
  • They seem to want to align themselves tactically with what has gone on in the Arab world recently. You know, where they’ve been overthrowing oppressive militant regimes that have been in entrenched power for years?
  • The media love it…but seem to be growing a bit weary since they can’t find a good contiguous angle.

So in the interest of helping these angst filled souls disentangle themselves from their socialistic ennui allow me to suggest four characteristics that are the mark of a really good protest:

You ought to have a recognized villain

The French got this right when they did their revolutionary gig. Yes, yes they hated ALL the bourgeois but they REALLY hated Marie and Louie. A really good protest need a villainous face to point at and spit on and shake fists at. This idea of vaguely villainizing the corporations that built much of America and gave the protestors parents jobs, and contributed to their schools is ineffectual. Pictures of ‘corporations’ don’t work well on posters.

The villain really ought to have done something decidedly bad

You’d be hard pressed to call any of the recently displaced leaders in the Arab and north African world “good guys” and once they start firing on their own people it’s all over. While I agree that we have seen continuously mounting evidence of rampant corporate greed in the news lately the jury is still out on how they choose what is fit to show. After all Pine Creek’s homecoming had more people out than this protest and it got NO air time.  At the end of the day corporations provide jobs. You’d have to give a LOT of money to illegal immigrants and homeless people to put them in a positions to create jobs.

You really ought to have specific demands

When my kids were little we taught them that ranting, pouting, and grousing were not effective methods for getting what they want. As a result all three of them have turned out to be first class negotiators. (My bad on that one.) A ‘protest’ without specific demands or calls for specific action comes across rather like a flash-mobbed tantrum. Cool idea, but you really need more commitment to make it fly. Plus, with no call to specific action how do you know when the protest is over? How do you keep score?

You really ought to have a plan for change

A workable plan. At least the rudiments of a plan. “Redistribution of wealth” isn’t a plan unless you’re Robin Hood and working on a small village scale.

I can completely identify with the sens of disenfranchisement expressed by these protestors. I empathize even more with the fact that it is difficult to sort out who to vent their spleens towards when it all just feel oppressive, unfair, and constant. I applaud them for trying to keep their carnival non-violent.

But I’m afraid that shy of defining these four characteristics for their current shindig it’ll be tough to have any consistent, meaningful dialogue and without consistent meaningful dialogue I’m afraid we’ll all continue to flounder a bit.

Care for a slice of consistent meaningful dialogue? I’d love to hear your thoughts on these protests and their issues.

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Relational Currency

It was one of those November nights in Denver when the rain doesn’t quite want to mature into snow, the snow wants to relive its adolescence as water and the result is a soupy, mushy mess that blankets the streets like boba tea stirred in rice pudding.

I was sitting waiting for a flight out of DIA and becoming more concerned as boarding time approached and passed without any of us moving.  It wasn’t long before the inevitable announcement sent us all scrambling in the direction of “next best options”, some to the gate of the next flight out, some to the customer service counter and me, among others, to the Red Carpet Club.

I waited patiently a line to converse with the over-stressed somewhat aloof counter agent who has just heard the same story from the previous five people. When she heard it for the sixth time and had finished typing in my name she informed me, in a tone bordering on disdain, that I was number 99 on the priority list to get on the next flight. Puzzled, I asked if my frequent flyer number was on the record. With an almost imperceptible shake of her head she informed me that it was not and collected the pertinent information. It was barely a split second after her typing in the last key stroke that her eyes widened severely and her mouth formed a perfect “o” as though she were trying her best to imitate a bowling ball. “I’m so sorry Mr. Fletcher, you’re actually number three on the list. How about if I just confirm a seat for you right now?” Suddenly…I had currency.

Relational Currency doesn’t refer to money per se but to the mechanisms by which we “keep score” in relationships. As a mere passenger I had no currency, or little currency with United. But as a Premier Executive member I had plenty. The concept of relational currency is an interesting one if only from the standpoint of how it helps us keep track of how we’re doing in relationships. To help better elucidate the concept I want to share three truths about relational currency.

Relational Currency is partially inherent

Imagine you had wanted to have lunch with Steve Jobs the former CEO of Apple (RIP Steve, you will be missed) to talk about creative design. You or I probably wouldn’t have had a chance. But if Michael Eisner, former Disney CEO, had put in that call Steve would have no doubt found the time. Because these gentlemen played at the same level they had “inherent relational currency”, a level of respect earned because of external conditions. Dog lovers have inherent currency with each other. They have less inherent currency with cat lovers but may have some as pet lovers.  Professional athletes have inherent currency above that of college athletes.  Again, it is currency based on external attributes of circumstances.

Relational Currency is partially earned

If inherent currency opens doors for lunch opportunities then earned currency keeps them open. Earned currency is based on internal attributes and how we treat and interact with people. Bill Gates would probably take a phone call from Ted Turner to discuss charitable giving. Larry Ellison, Oracle CEO, probably wouldn’t take the same call. Why not? All three gentlemen are uber wealthy CEO’s. Doesn’t that indicate they should share inherent currency? Of course they do. But where Bill and Ted, pun intended, have shared excellent adventures in the realm of charitable giving Larry is not known to be equally motivated in that area and thus Ted’s earned currency is running at a slight deficit. Which leads to the third characteristic of relational currency:

Relational Currency works like money

By that I mean that it can be inherited, earned, spent, wasted, stocked up, or frittered away. Inherent currency is your starting account balance. That balance is different with different people. For example: as a former Div II college football player I have a fair amount of inherent currency with other DIV II players but significantly less with professional players and almost none with college basketball players. And none of any of that counts a lick with musicians.

Earned currency is where you start your funds management process growing, earning, building or burning up your inherent currency. Obviously, as with real money, the more I have in the bank to start with the easier it is to build my balance. Remember our lunch invite above? If I can’t even get the meeting I can’t build my balance. If I can get it and don’t communicate clearly or come off as an odd duck I waste the little “money”I had on the table  and in the words of Lord Scrumptious from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, “Had your chance, muffed it.”

Which leads to some interesting questions:

What are the audiences of people groups with whom you have the greatest inherent currency?

Are there any unique groups, near the top of some hierarchy, with which you have inherent currency?

The are interesting questions to answer because it helps you determine where you might have some of the best and most unique opportunities to build Disciples!

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When does Discipleship begin?

If you’ve been following along at home you’ll know that I hold to the opinion that every Christian is responsible for making Disciples. Not converts to Christianity, not better Christians, but Disciples.

Again, the basic premise is that Disciple Making, in a spiritual sense, is the process of following God closely enough that you go out and create Disciples of you. In the same way John the baptist had Disciples of John and Gamaliel had Disciples of Gamaliel and Jesus had Disciples of Jesus. The twist is that we’re not called to point them ultimately to ourselves but to Christ.

So if that is the case when does Discipleship begin?

Most of the churches I have been associated with have some form of Discipleship class or curriculum. And, for most of those churches, the class or curriculum is designed to start AFTER someone has committed their lives to Christ. Hmmmm…I don’t think Jesus called the twelve AFTER they all we’re completely sold out to believing who He was, do you?

It seems to me there was a process of deepening relationship that happened all along the Discipleship journey.

Many scholars today recognize the commission in Matthew 28:19 to read: “As you’re going, make disciples of all nations…” seeming to indicate that this should not only be a part of your normal daily activities but something you should actively pursue. If that is the case then we shouldn’t expect to find the people we’re supposed to “make disciples of” sitting behind us in the pews at church.

This is where the Four Levels of Agreement starts to get me jazzed a bit. Remember, we’ve been looking at themas the process by which we deepen relationships. Level 1 is that mental click that happens when someone catches my attention.  Level 2 is my completed physical response to that mental moment. Level 3 is where we enter into some contractual responsibility based on expectations and promises. Level 4 is where we cross over into a committed rapport. Since we can walk through our daily routine marking out relational process with this tool we can ALSO use it to help determine which folks we ought to be actively engaging as potential Disciples.

Simplistically then I want to find people who are ready to enter into a Level 3 relationship, and who I desire to pursue that with as well, who may only be at a Level 1 in their understanding of spiritual matters! I have to finding people to Disciple in the work place, at the soccer field and at Starbucks…not in my small group! Ok, that was probably a bit hasty for those churches that invite new attenders to join a small group before they even know their names, but you get my drift.

Go back and read the Gospel account of the calling of the twelve, particularly in Mark. Everyone seems to be going about their business as relationships start to form. Where are relationships forming around YOUR daily life with folks that are not yet spiritually fully bought in?

Which of those relationships is ripe for Discipleship?

What do you think?

Is Disciple -Making really something we’re all called to do in this way? Is it really a PRE-conversion starting point?