Monthly Archives: September 2011

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Relationship Building – The Four Levels of Agreement – Level 4

And so we come full circle in our exploration of the four levels of agreement. Level 4 agreement – Committed Rapport – is when we have made Disciples.

I have no doubt that on October 4 a scene much like the one depicted in this graphic will emerge at the Apple event where they are predicted to unveil the iPhone 5.  Apple’s Disciples will fill the room in eager anticipation of the new device.We all wish we had such devoted customers.

So let’s look back and remember how we get to this fourth level agreement:

Level 1 was that mental ‘click’ that caught your attention. Level 2 was the move from thought to action. Level 3 is where you entered into a contract based on expectations and promises and Level 4 is where you become the ‘more than satisfied’ customer we refer to as a Disciple.

So how do you move someone from Level 3 to Level 4? What is the secret sauce, the mystery of the ages, the magic bullet that creates these fanatical followers? It takes work. In order to become a Disciple-making organization you need to remember three keys:

1. You start with Customer Service

Customer service always starts with a set of expectations. Those that were created at Level 3. The expectations of those delivering the service may not be the same as the expectations of those receiving it. The closer the match the easier it is to deliver on the expectations. Do you see why the Level 3 agreement becomes so crucial? You need to set the right expectations early on.

On the delivery end you can compare yourself to the competition and create higher expectations for what you will deliver. Your customer will be pleasantly surprised the first few times they experience this higher level of service.
After that you’ve set your own bar at a minimum that is higher than the competition but is still a minimum…for you. Now the customer set of expectations is higher when they enter your store. Now, what was once “higher than anyone else” has become “the minimum expected in this place” Because that is the minimum set of expectations, even though it is better than the competition, the best you can do is “not fail”.
Even if your standard is the best in the industry.

So how do you create opportunities for a “pleasant surprise” that lives beyond the first or second visit?

2. You have to Empower your People.

I was marshaling at a local golf course several years ago sending groups off in order from the first tee. I had a twosome who somehow got lost in the rotation. The club house had delayed in calling them down to me so by the time they did get called they were almost an hour behind their scheduled tee time. There were NOT happy. The late start meant they wouldn’t get the full round of 18 in that they had paid for because they had appointments later in the day. I could easily have blamed the club house, they HAD messed up. I could have apologized profusely,  which would have made no difference to them.

Instead I offered that we’d give them their money back for the full 18, get them out to play the 9 holes for which they had time, and give them a 2-for-1 on their next visit. They went from haters to fans in an instant! Was there a procedure for such a thing? No. Did I ask permission? No. Did I cost the golf course money? Not really in the long view. But I was empowered enough to make a decision that served the customer.

You have to empower the people who interact with the public to make service decisions instantly and you need to applaud them when they do. (Spoiler Alert: This means that every “mishap” is really a golden opportunity, but we’ll talk about THAT another day.)

3. You must Anticipate Need

Have you ever found yourself struggling to open a door with two armloads of stuff?  Ever had someone see you struggling and come up to help? Better yet ever had someone see you approaching the door, bounce past you before you got there, and opened it for you? That anticipation of need creates a different level of appreciation than just meeting the obvious need of someone struggling with a door. As I mentioned in Preparing for Disciples:

“Customer service that fosters Disciples does not seek to merely serve the customer needs in the moment. It seeks to anticipate what the customer’s needs will be tomorrow and stands prepared to meet them or even preempt them.”

Anticipating need is all about knowing your customer. Not just at a transactional level but at a motivational level as well.

These three keys, customer service, empowered people, and anticipated needs will help you move from Level 3 agreements to Level 4 agreements smoothly setting you on the road to Disciple making.

Expectations are crucial in moving from Level 3 to Level 4. What would you guess your customers expectations are when they deal with you?

Do you meet the minimum expectations or do you constantly seek to raise the bar?

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Relationship Building – The Four Levels of Agreement – Level 3

We’ve been looking at four levels of agreement that relationships move through as they evolve and grow. In a marketing sense it is possible to be somewhat prescriptive  about moving relationship, ie customers, through the levels but in personal relationships the process is slightly more organic.  The levels as we’ve defined them are as follows:

We looked at the notion that level one, Cognitive Resonance, is that mental click that happens when something catches your attention and your interest. Level 2, Completed Response, occurs when you move from a mental agreement to some form of physical action. Level 3, Contractual Responsibility, is where it all starts to get REALLY interesting. (Spoiler alert: Women understand this level intuitively, men may or may not…)

Let’s start with a simple marketing example: You see a commercial for a burger restaurant that claims to have the healthiest, most unique burger anywhere. It has won taste test after taste test AND it helps you lose weight. In fact if you don’t like it they’ll give you your money back. If you eat their burgers three times a week and change nothing else about your diet you’ll lose weight!! You happen to LOVE burgers AND you’re trying to lose weight. The commercial catches your attention – Level 1 agreement. The following day on your lunch break you go check it out – Level 2 agreement.  You purchase a burger – Level 3 agreement.

“Hold on a minute”, some of you are saying, “I signed no contract here.” You’re right. You signed nothing. But you’ve entered into a two part contract. The first part is taste. The second party is weight loss. Those claims that caught your attention at Level 1 are about to be put to the test. There is a promise: great taste, less filling, and a consequence of failing the promise: money back. A set of expectations. A promise to deliver with stated consequences. A simple contract.

That’s an easy enough day to day example even if the great tasting weight loss burger does not yet exist. But what about personal relationships? Glad you asked…

A guy walks into a bar (cheesy I know but better than ‘once upon a time’) and notices an attractive woman he has noticed there a time or two. (Level 1) He’s learned what he can about her through distant observation, asked a few friends what they can tell him about her,(Level 2 – taking action. Although this is weak action until he talks to her directly.) and now has reached the decision to go up and ask her out. (We’re skipping the small talk for the sake of brevity) He asks her out. (Level 3) There is definitely a set of expectations, mostly unspoken, each of them believing something good will come from the date, a set of promises, time, date etc. and understood consequences, thus a simple contract.

Interestingly “the date” is a time bound contract. It ends when the date ends. But it does establish a new set of expectations based on an assessment of how good a time was had by each party. It may be that the contract is extended at the end of the date…setting up another one. It may be that the contract is left hanging…”I’ll call you.” But even THAT statement if a form of contract!

So now lets fast forward a few weeks or months. Here’s where we learn that women get this and guys don’t…or pretend they don’t….because after that span of time the girl wants to have, duh, duh-dun, duuunnnnn…the talk.

Women are inherently relational! They get this! They don’t want a series of short term intermittent contracts, they want definition. Questions like, “Where is this going?”, “Where are we in our relationship?”, “How are you feeling about us?” are really attempts to establish the terms of the contract! I know, I KNOW it sounds like I am cheapening it somehow but I’m not. They really do want to know the correct set of expectations and promises. Guys, many times, don’t want a set of expectations floating over their head so they’d rather have a “gentleman’s agreement” than a contract!

Believe me, entire book could be written on that paragraph alone. But lets shift gears slightly.

Think about the relationships in your life. The ones that matter. I’d be willing to bet that the most stable ones are the ones with clear contracts. Not on paper necessarily but there nonetheless. We ‘hear’ contracts breaking all the time don’t we? “I thought she was my friend but…”, “Him and me used to hang out all the time, I don’t know what happened…”, “They said they were coming…” Most of these contracts “break” because the expectations are rarely stated, they’re assumed. But remember that dating relationship? The young lady did not WANT to assume, she wanted to know.

Clearly stated expectations, understood promises and consequences, these are the basic elements of a Level 3 agreement that carries with it Contractual Responsibility.

So, in looking at your relationships…

Where have you clarified expectations and where have you assumed them?

Where have you made promises and where have you assumed them?

Where might a “clearer contract” have saved a relationship for you?

 

 

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Skate Knight – a children’s book

A bit longer post than usual today. This was/is my attempt at a children’s book designed to teach kids about synonyms: words that sound the same but have different meanings. Enjoy.

Skate Knight

Young Nate was a knight
Who would skate after dark
In the night he would skate, yes he would
He would skate from his gate
Down the hill past the grate
Which he passed on a gadget he’d made out of wood
The maid helped him make the great gadget of wood

The wood was old beech
From an oar they had found
In a boat at the beach by the sea
An old ore cart provided
Four wheels that glided
And made the creation quite something to see
Not fancy or fine but still something to see

These big iron wheels
Had springs in between
To help them to bounce and to roll
From the tip to the tail
Ran two springy rails
That let Nathan steer and keep things in control
Which of course meant they played a significant role

Never bored when he rode
On this board with no brake
Nathan thrilled at his dangerous feat
At speeds that would break him
It still didn’t shake him
If it looked like he’d crash he could jump to his feet
Like a toad landing safely on steel toed feet

Every night down the hill
He would race through the mist
Through the fog that the wind sometimes blew
Still he missed every hole
The whole way to his goal
For the sight was not new to his eyes of bright blue
It was surely a site that his eyes of blue knew

At the end of the road
(And the end of the fun)
Was an inn that was owned by his aunt
Every night she’d yell, “Cease!”
“Will you give me no peace?”
“If you crash every piece will be small as an ant!”
“Ride your horse. It is safe. And don’t tell me you can’t.”

Then young Nate would reply
With a gleam in his eye
“Now, there’s no need to fret like a nun.”
“You will yell yourself hoarse”
“I am quite safe of course”
“You’ve no cause to be coarse with me auntie dear, none.”
“Besides this goes faster than horses can run.”

So night after night
Every night the same way
The poor lady would pour out her pleas
Voice ringing in mourning
Hands wringing ‘til morning
She never thought once to ask nice and say “please”
Instead she spent most every night on her knees

Well, the fateful night came
Out of nowhere it seemed
Just the way fateful nights often do
When the hour was right
Out skated our knight
But the price of his dangerous daring was due
He would pay it before he saw dawn’s morning dew

Down the first hill he soared
Like a sword straight and true
To the grate and the bridge at the creek
And just ere he got there
He launched a huge air
When he landed his springs gave a terrible a creak
Only one week before he had thought them too weak!!!

For the very first time
Nate felt fear in his soul
One sole moment he froze in a daze
If he finally crashed
Then his board would be trashed
And he didn’t want that in the worstest of ways
For tonight was a night he’d been planning for days!!

He’d invented a trick
That tonight he would try
And tonight that new trick would be thrown
So our young cavalier
Paid no heed to his fear
And he chose then and there to be brave to the bone
He would face down his fears like a king on his throne

He threw caution away
And raced down through the town
Gaining speed he bent low at the waist
Yes, tonight he would land it
The Back-side Knight Bandit
“If I don’t”, Nathan thought, “then this night is a waste”
“Holy Cow, land it dude or it’s wholly a waste.”

Not pale or nervous
He jumped a large pail
The rushing wind started to whine
Laughter filling the air
He kick flipped a stair
Then he grinded the rail on a wagon of wine
From the cellar the seller stared up at his wine

Nathan’s hair stood on end
As he turned toward the Inn
Going fast as a hare at full speed
When his aunt shouted,” Hey”
Nathan looked down her way
And saw that the yard was quite crowded indeed
It was all full of animals, hay bales and feed!!

Nathan took in the scene
And then almost cried
For he knew that his night had gone foul
His aunt, the town crier
A nun and a friar
Were all chasing two ewes and a flock of wild fowl
You’d cry too if you’d seen all those fowl on the prowl

With no brakes and no choice
He sped into the yard
Where he tried for the Back-side Knight Bandit
Just missing the friar
Nate took a huge flyer
And soared through the air different than he had planned it
HIS backside would be sore when they caught him and tanned it.

When he hit a hay bale
He smiled at his luck
Still hoping to survive this mess
He thought he had won
Then the hay hit the nun
And she let out a terrible cry of distress
This was the worst bail he had had was his guess

Well the friar came running
To help the poor nun
As another wail came from the sister
Tripping over a fryer
He too took a flyer
For he’d tripped on his shoes and had only just missed her
With a whale of a dive he had just about squished her!!

The town crier chuckled
Then he pointed and laughed
When the chickens quite suddenly flew!
They tried to avoid him
Which nearly destroyed him
Then a ewe with the flu sent a mess his way too
And the scent of that mess made him holler “P-EEEWWW”!!!

When up out of the reek
And the stench came Nate’s aunt
Like a bear rising up from her knees
She could bare it no more
So she let out a roar
Making everyone there almost instantly freeze
“You will wreak no more havoc tonight Nathan. PLEASE!!”

Nathan’s aunt was as mad
As an angry bee hive
When she hauled him back onto his feet
Pulling him in her train
By a handful of mane
Back to the main hall of the inn to be beat
His poor aunt was so mad she was red as a beet

Now there’s no need to know
What his punishment was
For you know that it had to be bad
And for four months and more
Nathan did extra chores
For his aunt and the nun and the friar and his dad
He did every last chore that the lot of them had

And the gadget of wood?
It was given away
To a man who sold whistles and lutes
Nathan’s night skating fun
Was all over and done
Down the road Nathan rode on a horse called Old Toots

That was only until he fit wheels on his boots!!!

How many synonyms did you find?

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Relationship Building – The Four Levels of Agreement – Creating Level 2

Last week we started to look at relationship building from the perspective of four levels of agreement.

Level 1, Cognitive Resonance, was that mental click that happens when something gets your attention. Level 2, Completed Response, is the move from thought to action. That thing you do in response to the mental click. So if our premise is that relationships build as you move through these four levels of agreement how do ensure that your “call to action” is something doable?

Have you ever been in a meeting where someone presents a 30 slide presentation FULL of information that is nothing more than just that, information? No application, no ask, no call to action.

Several years ago I was doing some communications consulting with a large technology company. They told us of a meeting that had been held by the Senior VP of sales in which he recounted which of their product lines they were going to focus specifically on in the coming fiscal year. Good information right? Problem was he didn’t provide any call to action and as a result:

  • The support group wanted to know when they were supposed to announce end of support for the lines that were not in focus for the coming year.
  • Development teams on the non-focus lines started updating resumes in fear they were going to be let go.
  • Marketing started working on messaging around migrating customers off of the non-focus product lines.
  • Multiple meetings were called to try to figure out the impact of dropping several of the product lines.

Finally the VP had to call yet another meeting to “announce” that they weren’t going to drop ANY product lines. They were just going to put specific focus in the coming year on the ones he had mentioned previously. Which, by the way, didn’t alleviate ALL the fears…it just extended the runway.

Contrast NO call to action with the sidewalk evangelist who approached a friend and I, when we were nine years old, leaving little league tryouts. This kid was probably in high school or college, all the same to me…I was nine, and he was really in to “sharing the gospel”. Having “grown up” in the church I was interested in what the guy had to say, not sure if my friend was, and listened politely. He came to the end of his schpiel, with a few leading questions along the way, and asked if we wanted to confess our sins and ask Jesus into our hearts. Hmmmm…call to action (for a nine year old): Admit that much of what you have done in your nine years is wrong, confess that to GOD, and give Him complete control of your life, right here, while we’re talking, on the sidewalk, after little league tryouts, without asking your parents. Yikes.

Let me share a couple characteristics to remember when sorting out your call to action, that thing you’re asking someone to do to move to a Level 2 relationship.

1. Make it Clear and Actionable – “I want you to consider supporting” is not a crystal clear action. “I want you to support” isn’t either, they’re both passive asks. Remember this is an action step. You want them to do something physically. “I want you to support this initiative by taking two actions…” Those two actions are your clear ask.

2. Make it Right Sized – The ask of the street evangelist to a nine year old is huge. How about asking the kid to attend a church service with his folks?  “Get up out of your chair and sign up for classes today.” Again, huge. There’s cost, schedule, class choice, a lot of decisions that go into that ask. “Come try a one day class for free.” Relatively easy. (By the way this is where offering freebies is a GREAT call to action: come try it.)

3. Make it Low Risk or at least Risk Appropriate. – Remember you’re early on in relationship here. Trust has to be earned. Think about the risk you’re asking someone to take. Give them an easy first step to build confidence in the relationship, then follow that with a next easy step.

The “risk free 30 day trial” is a great attempt at a clear, actionable, low risk call to action. Are you skeptical when you see that ask? Why or why not?

Can you think of a time when your call to action was either absent or too big? How Could you change that?

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Relationship Building – The Four Levels of Agreement – Level 2

Last week we started to look at relationship building from the perspective of four levels of agreement.

  • Level  1 – Cognitive Resonance
  • Level  2 – Completed Response
  • Level  3 – Contractual Responsibility
  • Level  4 – Committed Rapport

We explored Cognitive Resonance: that mental “click” that happens when something stands out and makes you take notice, and talked about how to create Cognitive Resonance for your potential customers, parishioners, or clients.

So what is this Level 2 – Completed Response all about?

Imagine that you’re walking through the kitchen in your home and the TV is playing quietly in the background. A commercial comes on, it’s for a local car dealership, the LAST thing you need to do is listen but the volume has suddenly reached that epic, please-don’t-use-your-outdoor-voice-in-the-house level like all commercials do. You grimace, shake your head, plant your face firmly in the fridge, and then you hear: “Everyone who comes in and test drives today receives a free trip to Paris, France!”

You stop what you’re doing and turn quickly to face the TV. You want to be sure you heard that right. The announcer continues ranting but manages to convince you that there is no apparent catch. All you have to do is go test drive a car and get a trip. Your interest is piqued! You’ve JUST entered into a Level 1 relationship with the dealer. Now what?

Now you have a choice to make. Will you believe it enough to go test drive a car? You rational brain kicks into overdrive analysis mode.  There has to be a catch. They couldn’t afford to do that even if they marked up every car significantly AND sold one for every two test drives. “Paris, France” must be a name they’ve given to their sales office or something. It cannot be.

At the same time your heart is fighting back. What if it IS true? What if their owner also owns an airline? How big of a hero would I be if I took my wife to Paris? I’ve got nothing else going on this afternoon, I should go do it!

At this point you’re on the verge of entering into a Level 2 agreement, the Completed Response.

While Level 1, Cognitive Resonance, is a passive, almost automatic reaction Level 2, Completed Response, is a cognitive active choice that involves some form of physical action.

You observe the girl across the room, hear her talk and are intrigued by her combination of looks and intelligence…”click”…Level 1 agreement. But unless you walk over and introduce yourself OR go do some “friend research” to learn more about here, both Completed Responses, the relationship never moves forward.

You hear the car commercial offering the trip…”click”…Level 1 agreement. You internally debate. But unless you go test drive a car OR talk to someone who has tested the offer, both Completed Responses, the relationship never moves forward.

In traditional sales this is typically referred to as the “call to action”. This is the “what I want them to do” after they hear the pitch. It is important to remember that the Completed Response involves physical action. It moves the relationship from thought to action. Too often we present ideas, try to sell products, attempt to build relationships with little or no thought to this call to action. We present information to folks and HOPE they’ll make the right choice or give them an ultimatum: buy today. There is art in creating the right call to action. There is elegance is providing an easy path to a Level 2 agreement.  We’ll look at the “how to” next time.

Think about the last time you tried to recruit someone, to sell something, or even to convince someone of a new idea.

Did you present the information in a way that would inspire a Level 1 “click”?

And did you follow that up with an easily achievable and understandable call to action that made for a seamless transition from thought to Completed Response?

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Tips for Parenting Boys – Video Games: more than meets the eye

Back in February Libby and I attended the Love and Respect Conference, a marriage conference led by Dr. Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs based on his best selling book by the same name. The conference was actually quite a bit better than I had anticipated, even given the fact that I was the one who registered so that we could attend. We had a great time at the conference and found out we’re doing even better than we thought! That alone was well worth the price of admission.

The gist of the material is essentially that: Women want Love and Men want Respect.

Now, I don’t want to give too much away, the book is well worth the read and the conference is actually one that I would recommend for couples in any state of marital bliss or dysfunction. What struck me though was something that I want to share with anyone who has the privilege of parenting boys.

Among the characteristics the Eggerichs list when recounting a man’s desire for respect the include five desires:

  • A desire to work and achieve
  • A desire to protect and provide
  • A desire to be strong and lead
  • A desire to analyze and council
  • A desire for shoulder-to-shoulder friendship

When I read these, and I should add agreed with them, a surprising revelation leapt off the page at me. What struck me immediately was that for a guy all five of these desires might be realized in an interesting way…by playing video games. With the advent of the ability to play video games collaboratively online a relational element was added that makes it much more realistic that young guys can and will find significant “respect” by gaming.

Moms have you ever yelled at your kid for gaming when they were supposed to be doing homework? Ever stormed into the room and turned off a game mid-battle? Ever been surprised at the vehemence of the ensuing anger outburst? Your son can’t articulate it but you’re attacking them at the core of their manhood.

Dads have you ever called your son down to dinner and jumped all over the “I need to finish this level first”? Ever grounded them from gaming? Ever been caught off guard by them sneaking in to play anyway and been surprised by the heat of the argument? Your son can’t articulate it but you’re cutting at the heart of their masculinity.

So what does this mean for parents?

Given this weird additional context to the reality of parenting boys I want to suggest four guidelines for helping your sons navigate the transition from childhood to manhood:

Appreciate that gaming is more than a diversion, distraction, or waste of time.

It IS all those things at times. But realize that scoring a goal while playing on world class, or beating back the flood on legendary, or accomplishing the one remaining achievement that has taken months to beat reinforces their masculinity and meets those inner desires that drive them as developing men. Understand that and you can begin to see gaming as a tool that YOU can use rather than as the enemy.

Expect them to get angry if you take it away and understand their anger is not directed at you.

On the one hand they ARE angry with you but it goes beyond taking away their toy. They can’t express it because they don’t understand it but particularly if it is mom who is cutting off the gaming system you’re also psychologically cutting off something else. And you can guarantee they won’t like THAT. As much as it might frustrate you need to find ways to negotiate cessation of play…we’ve found it helps to give them something like a thirty-minute warning.

Create guidelines that allow them time in their schedule for gaming.

Creating schedules or rules like: 45 minutes after school but no more until homework is done can help set expectations that help avoid confrontation. Allowing them to game all they want on their free time or at a minimum respecting their desire to game also helps. I’m not suggesting you allow them to become couch potatoes just make room in the schedule for them to beat the baddies.

Engage them in conversation about the games they play most often.

Once you realize this is more than just a time wasting pass time you can begin to fund ways to engage your sons in conversation about the games they play. Expect the conversation to be a little odd at first, you’ll have to catch up on jargon and understand the specific game’s rules. But you’ll find they enjoy talking about their conquests.

Why not go one step further. Why not join them?

Moms, ever consider gaming with your guys?

How do you think your sons would respond if you told them you want to play video games with them?

 

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Relationship Building: The Four Levels of Agreement – Level 1

Last time we looked at how relationships grow through four levels of agreement. We identified the first level agreement as Cognitive Resonance, that instant where your attention is captured enough to create a connection, a first level agreement. We described Cognitive Resonance as:

It’s the brain buzz, the ‘click’, the “hey, that looks interesting”. It’s that thing that happens when the server walks by with someone else’s food and you start madly scrambling for the menu to see if you can figure out what that was because “THAT looked goooood.”

It’s that moment in a conversation with someone you’ve just met where you start to pay closer attention because you were suddenly struck with the thought, “Hey, I think there could be more to this person.”

It’s that third recommendation of a restaurant that makes you think, “Yeah, we should check that place out.”

Make sense? Good. So here’s the question of the day…

If you can identify what the moment of Cognitive Resonance feels like how do you inspire it in others?

Whether you’re trying to woo potential customers, build a congregation, or simply make friends knowing how to create that moment of Cognitive Resonance is key to getting out of the gate on the right foot. I believe there are two key operating principles you MUST  employ when you’re looking to create a moment of Cognitive Resonance for people.

Principle 1: It isn’t about you, it’s about them.

The picture at the top of this post is the first magazine ad I was ever tasked with creating. It was a half page ad in a magazine that was going to be distributed to all attendees at a large industry conference being put on by a large software company.  I looked at the ads that all of our competitors had done the previous year and they all sounded the same. “We’re the best.” “We’re the biggest.” “We have more.” ” We, We, We”  That’s why my ad emphasizes the word YOU. I wanted to start with the prospect in mind. In fact, we go so far as to tell them what they want. Pretty bold move.

This was an ad that I really thought would be more or less a throw away. We got it free as a sponsor of the event. But you would have been amazed at how many people came by our booth and mentioned it in one way or another. The change in approach that put the focus back on the customer prospect, rather than on trying to scream how good WE were louder than our competitors, actually caused people to pause. It created a moment of Cognitive Resonance.

Now I’ll admit, taking that approach you have to know pretty well what the prospect really wants. But that is exactly where marketing lives today. Traditional marketing was about screaming more loudly than the competition how good your stuff is and because it is so good, Mrs. Customer, you know you want it.

Relational marketing, or tribal marketing, or social marketing…whatever label we’re going to land on here shortly…is about understanding the customer and speaking to their need. And if you do THAT well you’ll create a moment of Cognitive Resonance.

Doing that WELL leads to principle number two.

Principle 2: Understand the customer and start where they are.

Customers, potential church attenders, soon to be friends all have needs both recognized and unrecognized. The better you can identify those needs the better you can meet them with a product, service, or relationship.

For years I sold software. People selling software always assume the customer wants to buy software. What started to bug me was that we sometimes lost the sale, to “no decision”. WHAT?!?! They bought NOTHING? The reason was that while software sales people were assuming that the customer need was for software, the customer felt they needed to solve a business problem. They HOPED software might solve it but the NEED was a solution to a business problem. In general then the bulk of the software sales people I was running across were starting in the wrong place!

We began creating presentations that said nothing about software. I had several CEO’s for whom I worked nearly go through the roof with me on that. Our presentations started talking about the business problem, in detail. Without fail we’d have a major prospect, or analyst, or board member stop us only a third of the way into our presentation and say, “You get this better than anyone else we’ve talked to. Now how do we solve it?”

By starting where the customer was, with their felt need, we were able to move very quickly to a moment of Cognitive resonance that set us apart from the competition. We also started selling more software.

Looking at your set of potential customers, or attendees, or friendships how can you start making the conversation more about them than about you?

With those folks you have in mind is there a difference between what they think they might need and what YOU think they might need? How can you start where they are and bridge the gap?

 

 

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Relationship Building – The Four Levels of Agreement

Imagine for a moment that you’re trying to figure out how to build and grow a customer base. Or, if that’s not your thing, imagine you’re trying to figure out who you ought to mentor. Or, if you need something more basic, imagine you’re trying to sort out who to date. In any of these instances what you’re really trying to do is build relationships. Some of us are good at it, some of us stink at it, but all of us need to do it really to be successful in life.

Look again at those three scenarios. Beyond just building relationships what’s REALLY going on there is a desire to build ever deepening relationship and THAT takes work. It’s work that move people closer to each other, work that builds bonds.  In fact I want to suggest that people enter into deeper relationship based on increased levels of agreement.

Think about that statement for a second. You probably can’t name a single person with whom you have any depth of relationship AND with whom you completely disagree. It just doesn’t happen. (Except perhaps with some random members of your spouse’s extended family but that is a unique category.) There is always a “something” that draws us towards some people and away from others, towards one product and away from others, towards one service provider over another and that “something” is the level of agreement.

Now, this doesn’t mean that you and your close friends agree on everything, nor does it mean you like all the same things, nor does it hint at some sort of bizarre, cliquish, neo-cloned relational similitude. What it means is that the relationship itself is moving through four levels of agreement.

We’ll look at each of these in the days ahead but in overview the four levels are as follows:

  • Level  1 – Cognitive Resonance
  • Level  2 – Completed Response
  • Level  3 – Contractual Responsibility
  • Level  4 – Committed Rapport

So what in the world is Cognitive Resonance?

It’s the brain buzz, the ‘click’, the “hey, that looks interesting”. It’s that thing that happens when the server walks by with someone else’s food and you start madly scrambling for the menu to see if you can figure out what that was because “THAT looked goooood.”

It’s that moment in a conversation with someone you’ve just met where you start to pay closer attention because you were suddenly struck with the thought, “Hey, I think there could be more to this person.”

It’s that third recommendation of a restaurant that makes you think, “Yeah, we should check that place out.”

Years upon years ago I was working with a bunch of crazy Junior-high kids in San Diego and, as happened every summer, we took a bunch of them to camp. The first night of camp the guy who was serving as the “men’s dean” for the week introduced the women’s dean as the “cutest girl in camp”. Being a guy in my mid-twenties I obviously took a more than a passing interest in THAT pronouncement and thus invested a more than casual glance. While I had to objectively agree with his assessment I was, at the time, engaged to be married only a few months hence, and thus I took no other action. No, really, I promise, I didn’t do anything.  Until the next morning.

When the “cutest girl in camp” got up on stage to do her morning announcements and devotional with the kids I experienced a SIGNIFICANT moment of cognitive resonance.  (No, I did not think in those terms.)  What I did think was:

“Wow, she’s pretty sharp… and funny… and pretty good at what she does, and…man, I’m thinking that what I’m seeing here may answer a couple questions I’ve been asking… and…”

See where that’s going? Yeah, that’s where it went. We got married a year later and have been married for 21 years.  To be fair, and transparent, our relationship moved through all four levels of agreement over the course of that year but it all started with the moment of cognitive resonance.
Who are the people in your life today, probably in the category of acquaintances at the moment, with who you’ve had that twinkling of an ah-ha moment, that moment of cognitive resonance?

If you’re looking to build a customer base what are you doing to provide those moments of cognitive resonance for your prospects?

Have you had a personal experience where you can clearly identify the moment that cognitive resonance first took place?

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Review: Jeff Galloway’s Ultimate 10K app

You see that? That is the look of a man who has managed to just barely outrun death at the end of an Olympic triathlon. After that dismal run I decided I really should put some effort into run training. To that end Libby and I have decided to train for a half marathon. I know, I know, ridiculous. But I figure if I can finish the 40+ miles of an Olympic tri I can get my body in shape to run 13.

If you’ve not heard of Jeff Galloway he is the guru of a run/walk method for endurance running. His claim is that by taking regular walk breaks during a long run you save on your body and recover faster without really sacrificing much time overall. ANYthing that adds walk time in the run, as part of the plan rather than as an alternative to dying is alright with me.

The app I am using for training purposes is Jeff Galloway’s Ultimate 10k by lolo. (I really couldn’t find anything that purported to be a “couch to half marathon” app so I had to star somewhere.) At $2.99 from the app store the cost isn’t prohibitive.

The app allows you to use your own music or the dozen or so tracks that come with it.

Aside from allowing you to set run walk interval, I’m using 3 minute run with a 1 minute walk at the moment, what I REALLY  like about this app is that is matches the tempo of the music to the pace it wants you to run. (Because of that you probably don’t want to load anything too slow or it will wind up sounding like the Chipmunks version when it speeds up.)

The other option I added, at no additional cost, was the extra coaching tips from Galloway. While a lot of them are common sense it works out nice to have him reminding you to keep your posture upright, or not lift your knees too high every once in awhile. Just providing something to think about during longer runs helps.

The interface is easy to read but there isn’t really much reason to read it while you run because you’re given time updates at each interval. Since the workouts are time based turning on the GPS function helps to let you know exactly how far you ran. I’m finding it tends to track a little short (at least by comparing to the odometer on my car) if you have significant sections where you run up one side of the street and back down the other.

The whole program is 13 weeks. I’m currently in week four running two short (2.5-3.5 miles) runs and one longer run (4.5-5.2) miles in a week. The first week the app had me running just under an 11 minute/mile pace. This week it has me down to right around a 9 minute pace even with a three minute warm up walk on the front and another one to warm down on the back. Because the workouts are time based rather than distance based I wind up running longer distances than the estimate for each work out but that probably has more to do with stride length than anything else.

Overall I give this app two thumbs up. The only thing I think I’d change would be to allow someone to set a specific mile pace and have the app adjust to that but the way that it has reduced my per mile time in the first four weeks we’ll see what it gets me to by the end.

With great tools like this one to help you get from the couch to the finish line in a variety of distances what, besides you, is still holding you back?

 

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Observations on the Church and Discipleship

The five observations that follow have been born out of ten plus years of discussions about the church. These are some of the key thoughts that have formed the foundations for a new way of thinking about discipleship:

1. The church no longer enjoys its former position of societal influence “at the head of main street”. Rather than trying to recapture that position as the place where the community comes to gather together the church must learn what it is to identify and move outward into the cultural and societal centers that have taken center stage.

2. As the church in the west continues to pray for “revival” it gathers together in an upper room and waits on the Lord. Is it not possible that the Lord wants to visit revival on the church even more passionately than the church wants it but that He is waiting for his people to go outside? I believe that the next revival will be one that moves the church out into the world rather than moving the world into the church building.

3. The church in the west has forgotten, if it ever truly knew, what discipleship is all about. It has taken the biblical command to “go and make disciples” and added the phrase “of Jesus”. This works well enough in a community where people are naturally drawn to “attend church.” I believe the verse really means that each of us should progress in our relationship with the Lord to the point where we serve as the equivalent to a Jewish Rabbi….and have disciples. (The disciples of Curtis or Scott or Anne). This calls us to a much higher responsibility in terms of our own relationship with Christ AND calls each of us to move outward. (Jesus found some of His disciples at the beach!) Discipleship today in most cases is nothing more than the process of taking someone who has prayed the sinners prayer and enrolling them in an intensive bible study that lasts somewhere between 12 weeks and a year.

4. The result of the church having taken this approach is that we have several generations of people who should be making disciples who have never themselves been mentored in that way. This in turn means that if we are to turn the tide there will be at least one to three generations of people who will be mentoring without any personal experience to draw from. Of course…this means we need to look even more closely at Jesus process of disciple making.

5. More than anything discipleship is about relationship. Using Jesus example as a model the process begins BEFORE “conversion”. That means that each of us is already in relationship with people we should be “discipling”, whether they are post-conversion, pre-conversion, or formerly converted.

Please feel free to poke holes in any of these observations. The conversation is well worth it. But even as you do so consider these questions:

Is the idea of “pre-conversion discipleship” too radical a departure from traditions you’ve been raised in to examine the possibilities?

If there are folks in your daily circle of relationships that you can identify as potential disciples what would keep you from pursuing that type of relationship?